Finding Normal

I'm not going to lie, I totally underestimated this move. I figured we have moved eight times before this, so we've got it. But, the reality is, the last time we moved, we only had 1 1/2 children (I was pregnant with Isla) and we had about 1/5 of the posessions. I totally and completely underestimated this move.

I underestimated the packing. I underestimated the organizing. I underestimated trying to figure out new places and ways to store things in the new house. I underestimated doing ALL THE THINGS with three kids in tow…you know, because I normally have so much time on my hands to do it all.

It's been two weeks now and I am still working on finding our new normal. I like slow. Even with the kids in school, we have always had lazy afternoons. I enjoy cuddling up with the kids and reading. I enjoy watching them play and imagine. I enjoy taking them in the backyard and playing in the dirt. But none of this has been happening yet because I am still just trying to cope. My hot pads are still missing! I only originally discovered this when I went to pull dinner out of the oven. Our silverwear was missing for the first few days. Because of the work it takes in hanging things on plaster walls, I am taking forever to hang things because it feels so permanent…and lets be honest, I am not big on permanency and enjoy rearranging and redecorating often.

I underestimated this move. I underestimated not only the work it would take, but the emotional toll and the normalcy toll it would take on our lives. I am ready for things to calm down. I am ready to find our new normal…even if that means stashing away some of the boxes for now so I don't have to think about the stuff that needs to be done.

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We Got the Keys

 

We got the keys to our house on Wednesday. Here is Ian opening the door for the first time. We are going to start moving in tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be unpacked and we will be ready to actually live there in a few days...one of the perks of living with the 'rents, not feeling like you have to sleep/live in a chaotic house. We can unpack, then start living there! Now the real fun begins.

Stuff from Scotland

Our stuff finally arrived from Scotland...4 months after it was packed up and sent away. We were told 2-3 months, but I was prepared for the wait this time. When we moved to Scotland, it took 3 months for our stuff to get to us. Because of this, I was prepared for the wait. And anything we had to have, we brought with us or mailed...hence the reason we had 9 bags to check on the way home and 3 boxes we mailed to ourselves. This really was a smart move. It made the wait so much easier. We haven't even opened our boxes yet. We will this weekend. Even at that, we will probably only unpack a few things and keep everything else packed until we move into a place of our own.

A little interesting tid-bit about bringing our stuff back into America. I was oh-so-frightened that we would be smacked with customs charges that could go into the thousands. Plus, we have to pay for boarder patrol to inspect our stuff. And if there is a wait and they have to put it in storage, they charge for the storage! Thankfully for us, our stuff only needed to be x-rayed so we only had to ante up $156. I am SO GLAD our stuff didn't look shady and need to be unpacked as that costs into the thousands! Kind of weird how we have to pay the government to do their job. Oh well.

Goodbye & Welcome Home - Part 4

Today is the day we were originally supposed to head back to Scotland. We had booked a trip to California for the holidays before we knew we were moving. And that round trip ticket turned into a one way ticket. A thought I am still trying to wrap my head around.

Looking at pictures of Scotland makes me sad. It is so close to my memory, I can close my eyes and feel like I am there. But I know my house and my life there no longer "exist". Its weird. It makes me sad.

Sure California is great. At one time, I thought it was the best place to live. Ever. And I am sure I will get back to that place. However, I have gotten used to a much slower pace of life. And sometimes I have been getting overwhelmed by all that is going on in California. The first couple times I went to the store or the mall, I just wanted to leave. There was too much going on and too many people everywhere. Sure, it was before Christmas, but I think there was more to it.

Living with my parents feels unsettling to me. I want to live in a place of my own. I want to unpack all my stuff from storage and make discoveries in all that stuff. I want to decorate a room for Connor. Decorate it exactly how I want to...a luxury I didn't have in Scotland (given that we were in a rental). I got a car last week and that helped me feel a little more settled. I could stop dragging Connor's car seat from one car to another. And I got to stop begging people for rides.

There are things we did in Scotland that I didn't want to lose. I enjoyed walking places. I really do miss that. There is no where to walk around here, except around the neighborhood and that isn't exciting. I wanted to continue cooking all the time. I still have been doing that...good job Jessica! Of course, there are subtle differences about the groceries in the different countries. Differences small enough to annoy me, but not large enough to drive me crazy.

Today is the first day I have felt "normal". It felt like a routine and I liked that. Connor and I hung out more and rushed around less. That was nice. I want more normal, calm days and less rushed crazy days. So bring on the normal!

Goodbye & Welcome Home - Part 3

Moving sucks. There is really no other way to put it. And saying goodbye, well that totally sucks. I would rather stub my toe really hard than have to say goodbye to people. Basically, I have gotten through the past week by denying anything was happening. It worked. Kind of. Well, not really.

Slowly but surly, we had to say goodbye to the friends that we have gotten to know, the people who have become like family over these past few years. And that type of thing is gut wrenching. And I HATE crying in front of people, well really crying at all. Unfortunately, I was way more emotional moving this time, so some tears happened.

At church on Sunday, our friends came around us and prayed. Having your friends praying for you and hearing them cry, just made me cry all the more. Then saying bye to our Scottish besties on Sunday evening was so freaking hard. It felt like my heart was ripped out and stomped on a little. I only hope they know how much they mean to us and how great a time we have had with them over the past few years. All those slumber parties, all the eating, all the talking; it was great and will be sorely missed.

Monday was such a stressful day. We had to finish packing and clean our flat. All our stuff didn't fit into our bags, so we ended up mailing one more box (we had already mailed 2). Once I was sitting in the taxi in front of my house, a wave of emotion flooded over me. I just wanted to take it all in. It was my last time to see my house as my house. I will never live there again. It holds some great memories for us.

When we got to the airport, we discovered our flight to London had been canceled. We got a new flight, which ended up being delayed for an hour and a half. Needless to say, we ended up spending way more time in the Aberdeen airport than we anticipated. When we finally got on the plane and were taking off, once again a wave of emotion swept over me. I even turned to Ian and asked if we were making a mistake by moving.

I know this move isn't a mistake. But just because something is right, doesn't mean it is easy. It is never easy to leave your comfort zone, even if you are returning to something you once knew. But it is HARD. We have changed. Living so far away from our family has caused Ian and I to be close. We need each other. We rely on each other in a way that I don't think would have happened had we never moved. It is a good thing. And I don't want it to change. I don't want our lives to get so busy that we no longer have time to cuddle up on the couch with some wine and talk. I don't want our lives to get so busy that we don't have time to walk to Starbucks and get some coffee. I don't want our lives to get so busy that we lose each other and lose precious time with our little boy.

Scotland gave us a gift. Well, it gave us several gifts. It taught us to slow down. It taught us to be less materialistic. It gave us the gift of knowing what it was like to go to a warm, friendly church; to be at a church where we didn't feel out of place. It gave us friends we could totally be ourselves around. It changed us.

I don't want to lose all that change.

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And in case you are interested, feel free to read my original thoughts about moving to Scotland over 3 years ago:

Goodbye & Welcome Home - Part 1
Goodbye & Welcome Home - Part 2

Still Snowing & Still Moving

We are in the throws of moving. Like seriously in the middle. The movers come tomorrow. Our house looks like it has been turned upside down and shaken a little. Everything is in piles for the movers to pack. And all the stuff we are keeping with us is shoved in suitcases in one corner.

Regardless of the chaos of the move, there is still time to play in the snow! It is still dumping. It really does make it hard for me to leave the house and go anywhere, but it looks pretty and is really great for making snow angels!




Regardless of the snow, the movers will be here tomorrow. Ian promised to shovel a path to our front door for them. I am glad they are coming. Now lets see if the weather lets up by next week so the airport can reopen and we can actually fly out!

Global Warming

I know there are arguments both ways as to if global warming actually exists. But I am today going to dispel a myth for you.

So the ice caps are melting, right? And the proof for this is in the rising sea? Well, I have another reason for that rising sea.

Shipping containers.

Yes, you read that correctly. Shipping containers. Approximately 10,000 shipping containers are lost at sea every year. That would certainly do something to the ocean and cause the waters to rise, right?

Okay, so this post really isn't about global warming. It was just a ruse to get you to read my oh-so-interesting rant about international moves. They are a pain in the butt. Seriously. You have to have all sorts of companies come out to your house, look at your stuff, then tell you how much it will cost to ship it. And that cost? It is about what I could get for one of my kidneys on the black market! I don't understand the cost! Especially since it takes 3 months to get it from point A to point B. The only silver lining is that due to customs regulations, the shipping company has to pack up all your stuff. Bummer!

Anyway, so in order to scare you into get you to buy insurance, they show you all these pictures of boat disasters, then let you know that even though 10,000 containers a year sounds like a lot, it really isn't in the scheme of things. Thanks.

Now I am left fretting over all the oh-so-important possessions I have, trying to figure out how I am going to get them all on the plane with me. Has anyone looked at the cost of extra baggage lately? It's out of control! Since I don't have a second kidney to sell, I will have to be careful what I decide to take with me. Oh the decisions!

Transition

I don’t do good living in limbo. Not knowing what is happening next just stresses me out. And I literally feel physically ill. I hate it. That is what has been going on for the past few weeks in our lives.

Basically it became apparent that Scotland was no longer the place for us. It was sudden, yes, but not necessarily unexpected. For a long time now I have been praying for our future. Praying that God’s will be done in our lives and things happen in his timing. I guess his timing has come!

After knowing we were going to leave Scotland, doors started opening up. Possibly too many doors. Options create stress…for me anyway. Ian and I talked over and over about which “door” was the best fit for our little family. The problem was, no door was bad and no door was perfect, making it difficult to make a decision. We weighted the pros and cons, talked about our personal feelings and came up with a decision. A decision that shocked some of the people closest to us (well, close to me anyway).

We decided to move to Modesto, California. Only one of the most miserable cities in America (according to Forbes)…and the car theft capital of America. But, it’s where we are from…well, Ian anyway (I actually only spent 6 years of my life there). And given how much we have given our future to God, I am thinking it is where he wants us as well.

There is a sadness in my heart about leaving Scotland. We have created a life here. Made friends here. Saying goodbye to most of these people is exactly that, goodbye. We won’t see most of them again. And that is sad.

There is also an uncertainty in my heart. Moving is never easy. And with this move, we are temporarily moving in with my parents…talk about feeling like a kid again! We have to sort out a loan and find a house to buy in this buyers market. Also, we have to face another 3 month wait for our stuff to arrive from Scotland. Once all that happens and we settle into our new home, I will be content. The moving will be done (hopefully) for a while.

Also, we are used to living in a different culture. Now we will have to get re-acquainted with the culture we left behind. I don’t want to loose the good characteristics I have picked up in these past three years.

But looking ahead, I am excited. I get to live by my family again. I haven’t lived by my parents since I moved out of their house! And I haven’t lived by my brother since 2004. I get to actually hang out with my friends in Modesto that I have kept in touch with through all these years. Good friends. Friends who have been thru it all with me. That is probably the most exciting part for me.

I don’t do good living in limbo. But I am keeping my eyes on the future. December 9th will probably come quicker than I want it to, but at the same time can’t come quick enough.