On Toddler Sleep

I feel like people love to talk about newborns and sleep. Which really is a funny thing given that newborns, well, don't sleep. They wake and eat and go back to sleep. Which actually isn't that bad. But what's not talked about and when people really need a shoulder to sleep, um, I mean cry on, is when their toddlers don't sleep.

People expect toddlers to sleep. And I seem to hear so often from other moms that they just don't. Sure, they do enough to make you like them. Then, bam, they get sick, their schedule is messed up by a time change, you travel with them, and on and on and on. And then they don't sleep. And somehow this leaves one, well really ME, oh so much more exhausted than the newborn phase. Maybe it's because lately Callum wakes and will be up for an hour plus at a time...and this happens two times a night.

But I also remember Isla going through this. I remember thinking I couldn't wait until she was old enough that she wouldn't cry out for me at night, but would just get up and come find me. That sort of feels like when I arrived in the sleep department. When I no longer had to get out of bed, but instead they came to me. But, the reality is we are a good year or more away from that happening with Callum. So I need to search deep down inside myself and learn to find the contentment in this broken sleep phase. Because we all know I will be crying when it's over...oh how motherhood has made me more emotional than I ever knew I could be!

It doesn't help that my normally stellar napper has not had a proper nap in weeks due to our bathroom renovation. Something about power tools and workers stomping up our wooden stairs and right past his room make the nap situation difficult. Then both Callum and I end up grumpy over it all, making the night time situation that much more burdensome.

You see what I did there? I managed to blame all my child's sleeping woes on our bathroom reno. That's kind of impressive, as I've also managed to blame it for my dirty house (hey, it's hard to stay out of their way and clean at the same time!) and lack of a social life (I'm afraid to leave and have them just leave my house unlocked when they go to lunch or leave for the day) on this project as well. But the end is in sight. I'm thinking two more weeks.

So in two weeks I'll have a pretty bathroom that I can actually use again and nap time back! Those are some pretty big things to look forward to.

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a week and a half

Callum has never been what I would call a stellar sleeper. In fact, he falls perfectly into my theory. A theory that was developed based on my own children (duh.) and has proven true three times over, so is OBVIOUSLY correct. Anyway, the theory goes that babies are either good nappers or good night sleepers, but never both. I've had one good night sleeper and two good nappers, so yeah.

Callum is a good napper. Over his lifetime, he has randomly slept through the night maybe a handful of times. Isla started sleeping through the night at two and a half, so mentally I have been counting down the time until Callum would be two and a half. It's June, in case you were wondering. But then all of the sudden, one beautiful January night, the clouds parted, the moon shone through and Callum slept through the night. And he did it again the next night. And the night after that. For fear of not wanting to jinx it, I didn't say anything to Ian. I was sure he had noticed anyway. And, I know that jinxing isn't really a thing, but it always feels like when I speak something out loud, jinxing happens. Anyway. After a week and a half, I did it. I finally said something to Ian. And we were like, "Oh yeah! Sleep has finally come to us! Our lives are amazing. This is great." Then one whole sleep later, EVERYTHING CHANGED.

I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I know. But I just had to celebrate. What has followed has been three nights of relative torture. The kid isn't just waking in the night, but screaming hysterically, inconsolably for long periods of time. I don't think it's night terrors. Connor had those and they were different. Callum is awake during these periods. Just really pissed off. I knew I shouldn't have said anything!

Someday, when I'm like 60 I'll get to sleep again. And when I do, I vow to take my crappy sleepers of grandchildren relatively often to give my poor children and their spouses a bit of uninterrupted sleep. Because really, the worst part isn't being woken over and over again in the night. It is being woken to a fully awake state, not being able to get back to sleep for two hours, then being reawaken a mere 15 minutes after you last looked at the clock and the whole cycle starting over again.

This kid sure is cute though. And somehow, miraculously, these odd sleep patterns seem to not affect his daytime moods at all. They sure do affect my daytime coffee consumption though. Good thing I know a good coffee guy.

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Throwing Me for a Loop

Third child in, and I am experiencing something I've never experienced before. About a week ago, Callum started standing up in his crib EVERY SINGLE TIME we would put him down. Because of this, he has been fighting sleep hard core. Before, I could put him down for naps awake and he would go to sleep. Not this past week. At night I take the freaking long time it takes to get him to sleep laying down. But, during the day is a different story. I usually don't have the time (up to an hour at times!) that it takes to do it before we are on to our next school run, homework time, etc. And it's made for a rough week. Callum gets over tired, clingy and cranky. I too feel over tired and stretched in every direction with getting him to sleep consuming so much of my time.

When this first started, I thought maybe this was a milestone I blocked out of my memory with Connor and Isla. But, after talking to other moms, it appears this doesn't happen to all babies. And the ones that it has happened with, the moms seem to give me a very knowing and compassionate look. So THEY KNOW. This wasn't even a club I knew that existed. And though I am now a member for life (hahaha, so dramatic!) I am hoping my initiation won't last too much longer. I mean, one has to question how long a kid will think it's super cool to stand before deciding to sleep!

But seriously, if anyone has gone through this and has any tips, I am all ears. At the moment I am holding Callum in his crib until he is calm, thus no longer trying to get up, then I sit next to the crib and put my hand through the slats and touch him until he falls asleep. Which, side note, those slats sure don't have much room between them! Needless to say, it's a process.

Oh parenting, it sure keeps you on your toes! But seriously, just look at that cheeky grin of Callum's in that first picture. It's what keeps me smiling, even in my seriously sleep deprived state...because he now also stands and screams every time he wakes in the night too.

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Sleep Training Callum

I'm not good at letting my kids cry it out. And for a while there, letting Callum sleep in the swing or cosleep had been working well. But, his sleep had progressively been getting worse. It had gotten to the point that he was sleeping in 45 minute intervals and it was becoming exhausting, both mentally and physically, on all of us. And once it wasn't working, I knew we had to change it. I just didn't know how...

Then I came across this. It seemed like a rather peaceful way to transition Callum not only from nursing all night long, but also to sleeping in his crib. I know the actual article talks of cosleeping, but I decided I wanted to go for it and quite night nursing and switch him to his crib all at once.

So, we began on a Friday...that way it was ok if it was a really bad night! The first night Callum woke six times. But, each time we got him back down in his crib without nursing him. I was feeling pretty excited about the whole thing after that night. In fact, I was sure it could only get better from there. But, I was wrong. Night two came around. Callum literally cried ALL NIGHT LONG. He was in our arms, just wailing. And I don't think it was over wanting to nurse. I truly believe it was because he wanted to be in our bed. It was awful. But, what I learned was, it was a turning point. Night three, Callum woke three times. Nights four and five, two. Then night six, once.

Each time I go in, I pick him up to calm him down, then set him back in his crib. If he starts crying, I put my hand on his chest and sing to him. Once he calms, I take my hand off, then a minute later stop singing, then walk out of his room. Sure, it's a process. But it's a process that works for us. I don't feel like I am just leaving Callum to fend for himself, and he doesn't scream hysterically, but goes to sleep. I call it a win.

We now have our evenings back again and it's felt heavenly.

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Sleep

I feel like the topic of babies and sleep is always a bit of a sensitive topic. Almost taboo. But there are always people who want to go there. And generally the people that ask either ask because they truly care and want to offer a hug OR they consider themselves a bit of a baby whisperer and want to offer you all sorts of advice. Luckily for me, the third time around, I have a lot more perspective (more I know the reality of the situation first hand) on babies and sleep.

I actually read back on some of my old blog posts when Isla was little. I truly didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was tired. Oh so tired. I remember not even understanding how anyone could make it out of the house before 10am. It seemed completely incomprehensible to me at the time. I have said before that I think the transition to three kids has been so much easier because we have a schedule we have to keep...and by schedule, I mean school.

But back to sleep. Callum, though such a smiley little guy and an amazing napper has just been the crappiest of sleepers. Actually, that isn't true. He was an amazing sleeper as a newborn. I thought I lucked out and must have birthed some urban myth of the perfect sleeper. Alas, the 4 month sleep regression came around and things have never been the same since. The thing is, even on the crappiest of nights (which two nights ago consisted of Callum waking EIGHT TIMES), I have perspective. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know that in six months or so, most of this should be behind us. But, I also know with better sleep comes the end of the baby stage. And for that, I am a little bit sad.

In the mean time, I will take the long nights...as long as there is a good one thrown in there every couple days...if it means I can hold my little baby for a little bit longer. Oh, and total confession here, my almost 11 month old sleeps in his swing. Yep. Not sure how that happened or what I am going to do about it. I am still trying to figure it out.

All this to say, if you have a baby who is a crappy sleeper and have tons of advice coming your direction from all sorts of places, know that it will sort itself out and eventually your child will sleep through the night. In the mean time, you are welcome to come over to my place after a crappy night. I can make a big pot of coffee and we can tell each other of our sleepless nights...because nothing makes you feel better like knowing you aren't alone.

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Perspective

 

One thing I have this time around that I didn't have with the other two is perspective. Perspective can be both a good and a bad thing. It helps me remember that each stage only lasts a short while. And it sadly reminds me that each stage only lasts a short while. See what I did there?!

I don't know if it was because Connor and Isla were much closer in age that once I had Isla, I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of sleep. All I felt was exhaustion and I thought it may be never ending. Now that I have a 4 and 6 year old, I realize the sleepless nights don't last forever. In fact, they don't even last that long…not that they still aren't a killer, but there is coffee. Perspective.

I also realize how fleeting the moments are. Callum is already no longer a limp newborn in my arms. He has become a "hip baby". Those tiny newborn cuddles that are so amazing have been replaced by equally as amazing open mouth smiles. It all goes so fast.

It's hard because I never know when the last time Connor will go to grab my hand in public. Or when Isla will stop telling me all the time that she loves me. Or when Callum will no longer see me as his ultimate comfort.

I get that the days can be long…heck, Isla bit Connor ON THE BUTT yesterday in front of tons of people at her school…the days can be really long. But the moments are truly fleeting. I want to soak them up. I want to remember them. The good and the hard. But I also am excited to watch these kids of mine grown into the people they were born to be.

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School's In Session, Back to the Bedtime Routine

^^ Don't act like you don't sleep with an umbrella as well! You know, for those times that maybe there will be a storm and the roof will leak or something. Or, maybe just because it is your current favorite possession. 

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not one to run to for sleeping children advice. After all, my second born didn't start sleeping through the night until she was two and a half. And although I've gone through seasons of being strict about bedtime, this summer certainly hasn't been one of those times. We've stayed up late most nights. Connor always rises with the sun. And Isla, she is my sleeper-inner…arising generally sometime around 9:30am.

With Connor going back to school and school starting at 8:25am, I knew something needed to be done. I could not let every single morning for the next nine months be a disaster…because seriously, waking a sleeping Isla is pretty much always a disaster. So, I started getting strict about bedtime again. Everything is done - quiet time, teeth brushing, books read - and lights are out by 8pm. Connor can generally fall asleep pretty quick and Isla has been falling asleep before 9pm, which I consider a win…as it had been 10:30 and starting to creep toward 11. This makes mornings easier.

I have actually been having to wake Connor in the mornings, which is totally out of character for him. Of course, over the weekend, he was up at 6am, but come yesterday morning, it was back to waking him again! I wake him about half an hour before I wake Isla and things have been going pretty smooth. Isla goes back to school in a couple weeks and I think her start time being half an hour after Connor's will work well because she doesn't like to eat for a while after she wakes up, so I am thinking her eating in the car on the way to school will work well for her.

And, guess what? One week in, I am feeling better about getting up oh-so-early…better than I was last week, at least. It's been a while since I've had to consistently get up early. I guess it's time I find a routine for myself again as well!

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Crazy Ways Isla Sleeps

When we moved Connor out of his crib, he had a very short transition period of sleeping on the floor right next to his bed. And two times he completely took the mattress off his bed. But that was it. Isla, on the other hand, has been out of her crib for 9 months now and falls asleep out of her bed more often than in her bed. She tends to fall asleep in the same place, in chairs. And usually her sleep involves a book or toy. It's all pretty comical because I often wonder how she actually fell asleep in many of the ways that she does. The other night I found her asleep on the floor. Not near a toy or anything. Just in the middle of her room, asleep on the floor. Interesting is about all I can say about that one. In case you were wondering, going against all the sleeping books advice (and I have read my fair share of them) Isla actually goes to sleep with the light in her room on. I turn it off when she falls asleep. If I try to turn it off before she is asleep, it isn't pretty.

 

^^ This was after one particularly bad night of sleep for Isla (and thus me). She somehow fell asleep in the playroom that morning with toys even on top of her and thermometer in hand. 

I can actually tell Isla is growing up because her sleeping positions seem to be getting a little more civilized. More often they are now including a blanket…or maybe that is just because she is cold?! And more often than not, they include books over toys. But, no matter how she falls asleep, she goes to sleep on her own without crying and that has always been the goal.

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Crazy Isla Sleep

^^ How do you falls asleep with a mop on top of you?!?

If you follow me on instagram, you already know that Isla falls asleep in interesting positions. She falls asleep out of her bed more often than she falls asleep in her bed. And, more often than not, the positions she falls asleep in leave me laughing...or scratching my head. It's gotten so interesting, I gave her sleeping positions their own hash tag #crazywaysislasleeps. And people seem to keep questioning how this happens, so I thought I would explain.

When Isla was in a crib, I would put her in bed and let her put herself to sleep. Switching over to a toddler bed, she didn't seem to want to just go to sleep, but wanted out of her bed to play. I quickly discovered we had two options. One, I could lay with her until she was asleep. Or, two, I could let her do her thing and put herself to sleep. Enter her falling asleep in every which way unknown to man. And, it works well for us. As long as Isla ins't over tired, we put her in her room and she plays until she is ready for bed. Generally, she is asleep by 8:30pm. And, almost half the time, she actually crawls into her bed to go to sleep. But, out of bed sure makes for some good pictures!

^^ Who doesn't like falling asleep with a good book?!

As you can tell, this isn't really a traditional bedtime method. But, I am one of those parents that does not only what works for our family, but what works for each kid. And, for Isla this works. So I am down with it.

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Isla and Her Stuff

I always listened to moms talk about their kids having lovies or needing copious amounts of stuffed animals in bed with them to sleep and wondered what that was like. Some swore having one special thing made their kid sleep better. I even tried to force a lovie onto Connor, but it never really took. In fact, the closest thing Connor ever had was when he slept with a toy train for a few months when he was a toddler. But then there's Isla...

She doesn't have a lovie or a particular object she likes sleeping with. She just likes sleeping with stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. One day it could be books, the next her babies and the next every single last bracelet she owns must go to bed with her. I often wonder how it could be comfortable sleeping with so much stuff (especially the hard and not so soft stuff). But she likes it, so I guess that's all that matters.

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Say WHAT?!

On Sunday night, Isla basically stayed up all night long. Let that sink in a little...ALL NIGHT LONG. She did not go to sleep until 6:45am...AM!!!! Then, I had to wake her at 8:30 to take Connor to school. Yeah, that didn't go well.

^^ This picture is from a totally different day. But I put Isla down for a nap with nothing in her crib and when I came to wake her, all this stuff was in her crib. WHAT?!

I was thinking to myself, "What the heck?!" when I was reminded...there is a certain little boy in my house who has done this to me a couple times. It's unexplainable. Sleep just doesn't come. Then the next day, a tired mama has the privilege of dealing with a tired and cranky toddler. And believe it or not, Isla didn't want to even take an afternoon nap yesterday. BUT, she did go down easily last night and slept in until 11 this morning...11am!!! It looks like someone was making up for lost sleep!

Here's to hoping little miss is back on schedule* and doesn't pull any all nighters again for a while.

* About that "schedule", Isla has been having so much trouble getting to sleep since I weaned her. She has been staying up so late no matter what we do. I didn't expect a change in her routine to affect her this much. Perhaps her staying up all night was her form of protesting being weaned?! I kid...kind of.  

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To Nap or Not To Nap

...that IS the question!

Isla has been actually sleeping during nap time about 50% of the time, but I have been putting her down for a nap everyday anyway. I figure it is good for her to have some time to herself and notice even if she doesn't sleep, time alone seems to recharge her batteries a bit. However, I find myself in a conundrum.

Yesterday Isla napped...and she didn't go to sleep until almost 11 last night. She went to bed at 8, like normal, but didn't sleep. I tried many things before finally sitting in her room, holding her hand through the slats in her bed. While sitting there, I thought about how maybe, just maybe, I should stop her napping. Today Isla didn't nap. She was asleep by 7:15pm. Sure dinnertime doesn't go so well AND "the experts" say if the kid is melting down/tired before bedtime, they still need to nap. BUT, most days Isla is still awake when Connor is asleep for the night. That makes me think...maybe, just maybe, I need to start switching her over to quiet time instead of nap time.

And seriously, parents of those five year olds who take a three hour nap during the day, then are asleep right at 8, please TELL ME YOUR WAYS!!!

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Nap Time

Over the past weeks, nap time in our house has changed. If you showed up at my house around 1:30pm, this is what you would find:

Lately, there is only a 50/50 chance that Isla will actually sleep during nap time. The rest of the time, she just chills in her crib. She doesn't cry. I just hear her talking away...or kicking the wall. Many times when I check in on her, she is even laying down. The only problem with her not sleeping during nap time is by dinner, she is less than cooperative with life and starts melting down.

When Connor started preschool, I instituted a quiet time for him. My original hope was that he would possibly sleep after a fun morning at school. Six weeks in and that has yet to happen. BUT, he has fully embraced quiet time. After lunch, I put Isla down for her nap and set a timer in Connor's room for a hour and he can do whatever he wants in his room. Most of the time, every single toy in his room is taken out during this time. Sometimes he will lay down. But never does he sleep. I am really happy with this quiet time. Not only because it gives me a break, but because it gives Connor a designated time every day to play by himself, without distraction. It has worked so well, we even do it on the weekend.

As for me, I spend my free hour trying to catch up on things that are important to me - blogging, spray painting things, reading and sometimes even cleaning the house.

This Mama Just Wants to Sleep

Isla looking all cute the other morning after a full night's sleep

I remember when I worked a paying job that when I worked late into the night, I would come in a couple hours late the next day to make up for it. Or even when I worked at Starbucks and had to be there late for a meeting, then open the next morning, they would pay for a taxi for us. 

With motherhood, there is no reprieve. Last night, despite our best efforts, Isla did not go to sleep until almost midnight. Midnight folks! Then she preceded to wake up four times (FOUR TIMES!!!) before deciding to get up for the day at 6:30am. 

And now I am finding myself pretty useless this afternoon whereas Isla is finding herself still full of life and energy...oh and full of extra cries and needing mom to hold her constantly. All I have to say (if only this were all I had to say) is where is my mom to hold me?!? Or at least hold Isla so I can sleep?!

Here's to hoping tonight is a better night because otherwise I am so calling in sick to work tomorrow! I don't get paid enough to deal with these working conditions ;)

Sleep

The sleep situation at our house had gotten rather grim as of a couple weeks ago. Before the monster that are the two year molars hit our house what seems like an eternity ago a couple months ago, Isla was only waking once a night. That once a night changed to on really bad nights up to 8 times a night and on good nights "only" 2-3 times. But the bad nights had become more and more frequent and Ian and I were at the end of our rope.

After a particularly bad night, I went online and purchased The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers. There were a few key things the book taught me. One, sleep problems don't change overnight. It said it will take about a month to really see consistent results. Two, consistency is key. So we jumped in with both feet.

We implemented a few things. First, we now have a nighttime routine that starts at 7pm with Isla ending up in bed around 8. This does make it difficult to be social in the evenings, but I will take a peaceful night's sleep over keeping the kids out late all the time. The second thing we started doing is having Ian go in at night to her until 3am (i.e. no breastfeeding until after 3am). I personally think this was the big one. After a couple nights Isla was down to only waking 2-3 times a night. And trust me when I say that was already a HUGE IMPROVEMENT. And guess what? After doing this for three weeks, Isla SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT last night!!! Like a whole 12 hours!!! This was amazing. Now I realize that we are still in the beginning and she may wake up tonight, but still. I see light at the end of the tunnel and that is a beautiful thing.

All this drama with Isla and sleep has me wondering how other people's kids are with sleep. So, if you have a little one, I would love to hear how you guys do things at your house. Do you have a routine that you stick with? If not, how do things work at your house?

Random Musings

There is something about taking my kids out of their element that brings out the crazy in them. The, let's push mom to her limits...her extreme limits, crazy.

There was this time when Connor was about Isla's age (AND...I have just connected the dots in my head...maybe it's the age, not the child!) when we went to a cabin with Ian's family. The two nights were so brutal, we almost headed home at 2am on the second night. Connor just would not sleep. No matter what we did.

Anyway, enter this past week, visiting my parents. Isla is refusing to sleep anywhere but in bed with me. And every night she fights sleep until about 10:30pm. This is the girl who I lay in her crib at 8 every evening and she goes to sleep without crying. Not this week. Oh, and did I mention she is up with the sun. And she so nicely woke me up with an iPad to the face yesterday morning. It left a mark and is still sore.

Both kids have been in a bad state of that hyper-tired craziness that kids get the past two days. Awesome. Taking them anywhere has been nothing short of amazing. I was all excited to take Connor to the Lego store this evening for a free Lego build. We went and managed, though he was in rare form. It probably would have been better had he been well rested, but that's life.

I am looking forward to being home tomorrow night, with the kids in their own beds. Even if it mean driving 6 hours alone with the kids...in 90 degree heat, with the sun on my side of the car, and a car air conditioner that isn't super cold. Feel bad for me yet? Don't. My life is actually pretty dang fabulous. I even ran off with my dad for a bit this evening to get a massage. See, it's not all bad.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

I know what you are thinking, "Aww, how cute. Jessica actually made her bed today and wants everyone to know." Though I am immensely proud of myself for making the bed AND washing my sheets today (after all, I did just have the stomach flu!) that isn't the point.

Tonight after Connor was in bed and finally fell silent, Ian went to check on him. And for a minute there, it appeared that the little tyke had disappeared. Alas, he had shimmied his way into our made bed and fell asleep.

Ian said he knew about the clean sheets and wanted in on the whole thing. Whatever the reason, I thought it was cute. It just worries me a little how dang close he likes to sleep to the edge of the bed. He likes to sleep this close to the edge of the bed all the time. Sure he has only fallen out of bed a hand full of times, but it still worries his mama a little.

After all the picture taking, Connor was moved to his own bed. Don't worry, I am sure it will only be a couple hours before he realizes he was moved and comes wondering back in. He is making his way into our bed almost nightly these days. And it is always to my side of the bed. I have a soft spot for it though. I can remember sneaking into my parents bed almost every night growing up. It was my dad that had the soft spot and always let me in.