The Minivan Kind of Life

I knew deep down in my heart that adding a fourth child to our family meant a minivan was in my future. I just couldn't imagine two big kids constantly having to climb between an infant and a toddler to get strapped in. Never mind thinking about doing that in the rain when everyone is wet and dirty! 

We already had a Honda and figured we would just go with another Honda again, just a minivan this time. We aren't exactly warm and fuzzy when it comes to buying a car. We tend to know what we want and just go for it. The day we bought our minivan we were actually just stopping to look at them, as we had never even looked at them. I had an idea of what my must haves were for it, but that was it. We weren't picky on color and they happened to have this silver one with the exact trim package I wanted. And they offered us a deal we couldn't pass up, so we went for it. 

I've noticed the minivan club is quite large and all seem to be very excited about minivans themselves. Now, I am not going to deny that the thing is super functional. It has more cargo space than my pilot did. And the seats that move side to side in the middle row are super convenient for vacuuming out the car and having to reach for things in the back. BUT, I will say, I miss how my pilot drove. I am not joking when I say I have made this minivan squeal it's tires more times than I can count...especially going around corners. Apparently I drive a little too peppy for this bad boy. And I miss the right side camera my pilot had...that really made cutting people off a breeze. Also, my pilot got better gas mileage. Other than that, I really am satisfied with the minivan. It has a lot of great options and works well for the stage of life we are in. 

And someone, cough, cough, Isla, was beyond thrilled that we got a minivan. It was literally every hope and dream of hers coming true. She claims she even wants one as a first car, which I feel like I will hang over her head right around the time she is turning sixteen ;)

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My Parenting Mantra

A long time ago, I heard a story about some siblings at their mom's funeral finding out that she told all of them they were her favorite. And they each believed it. I heard that before I even had kids. I didn't really have any preconceived notions about motherhood, but one thing I knew I wanted was that I wanted each of my children to truly believe they were my favorite. Sure there are different seasons where different children require more or less time/attention/money/etc. But I always want each of my children to truly feel like they are my favorite. 

Another thing I think about are the teen years. Those years scare me. Probably because of how I was. How much I found myself searching for an identity and screwing up along the way. I can remember being so fearful of how my parents would react when I screwed up. I can remember testing the boundaries and even asking about their love for me. As a parent, I now get the depth of their love. As a child, I did not. 

I know my children will also search for who they are. I know they will make mistakes, both intentional and unintentional. Mistakes that come with natural consequences and ones without. But one thing I want to make sure they know is that we are in this together. I also know that this type of relationship between parent and child doesn't just start in the teen years. It is something that is built and grows over the years. 

For the past while now, I have a saying that I say to the kids from time to time...

Nothing you do or say will make me stop loving you. 

It's one I say when they are having good days. But also one I say to them when they are struggling. I may whisper it in their ear, or say it out loud to the car load of them. It's one I mean and I hope they grow to understand that I truly mean it. I want them to know I am a safe spot in this chaotic world. No, this doesn't mean that they never get in trouble from me for things they have or will do. What it means is, my love is NOT based on their actions. My love is NOT based on their mood. My love is NOT based on how well they are doing in school. My love is always there. NO. MATTER. WHAT. And no matter what happens, they do not need to fear me or fear loosing my love. We are in this together and will figure it out. 

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You got all that from feet?!

There's something about my kids feet that always gives me perspective. I take pictures of their feet all the time. The shoes they wear say something about the stage they are in, about their personality and the season of life we are in. The size and where their feet land, or don't land, also tell a tale of where they are at in this journey of childhood. I often find myself pausing to see how close to the floor my kids feet come when they sit in different chairs, knowing in far too soon, their feet will be touching. I am constantly reminded how childhood goes by in a flash. Sure, my own childhood didn't necessarily feel that way, but watching friends kids become teens and adults, it just weirds me out. Then knowing that in a flash my own kids will be there. I want them to enjoy this time now to the fullest. They will never have the ease of no responsibility again. They will never again have the joy of eating what they want without abandon or recklessly spending all their birthday money on something pointless. So, as they do it now, I hope they remember. I hope they come out of this childhood of their with magical memories, just like I have from mine. 

Sure, I can remember the awkward times, feeling like an outcast at school or fighting like cats and dogs with my brothers...I remember packing up to move in with my aunt a time or two when I was just over life with my brothers! But I choose to focus on the magical moments. How my dad always was willing to sit in the backyard so we could swim, or how he would play hide and go seek in the dark with us when my mom wasn't home. Or how my mom turned our home into something truly magical at Christmas and I always loved being greeted with that cinnamony smell when I came home from school. There was also the riding of plastic trays down the slides at Mcdonald's, which, oddly enough, the workers always seemed to get angry about. Or my brother and I being sure to grab each other's report cards from the mail before my mom could get them. 

Growing up, figuring our who we are and our place in the world is such a complex process. It's one I hope my children feel they get to do in a safe home, full of love. In a home where they feel safe to chase their dreams, even if those dreams seem crazy. In a home where failure is allowed because it means you tried. In a home where love and joy not only abound, but are a given, and give them the confidence to follow their crazy dreams. 

See, I told you you would be shocked that I got all that just from looking at some feet! 

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That Time a Burger King Ad Made Me Cry

And I'm not a cryer, so that is a big deal.

I'm sure all of us have been made fun of or picked on and made to feel like we were nothing. How much I wish someone had come up to me after that happening to encourage me...or even someone coming to stop it! So often, it feels like these mean behaviors are brushed off as things like "well, junior high is an awkward time for everyone" or "it's just a joke, lighten up." I don't care. There is never, I mean never, a reason to make fun of or put another person down. My kids and I talk about this often. We talk about how if something isn't a joke to the person you are joking about, then it isn't a joke at all, it's just being mean. But the thing is, not being mean isn't enough. We need to stand with those that are being picked on. Make sure they know that others have their back, love them and care for them.

And the problem isn't just with kids. Adults are mean. They make fun of strangers for how they look. The made little remarks, or yell out their cars at people. They throw food at homeless people. Yep, this is true. It broke my heart to hear when I brought a homeless guy some food one time and he hid behind his hands because he thought I was going to throw it at him. He said it happens all the time. We then call these adult bullies insecure and say they are jealous, making excuses for them rather than calling them out on their narcissistic and destructive behaviors.

It's time to take a stand folks. It's time to teach our children to be better. It's time for us to model those better behaviors. For us to stand up for people, even if we don't know them. I don't care where you land on any issue, bullying, name calling, physical assault, none of it is ok.

Take two minutes and watch the ad for yourself. It really is powerful.



And in case you wondered, I cried at the end when the people went to talk to the kid being bullied.

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On Parenting Today

Parenting today seems to be constantly getting a bad rap. It seems like every day I am inundated with another article telling us exactly what we are doing wrong. All these articles seem to be shared by teachers and well meaning grandparents who somehow don't see the plank coming out of their own eye (of course that is another subject for probably not another day). Parents are made to sound like all we do these days is shove lollipops in our kids mouths while showering them with every toy toysrus offers, as they stare mindlessly at the tv/ipad all day. Yep, that's pretty much how myself and everyone I know are raising kids.

First, I want to address something that always seems to get under my skin. Do the grandparents of today not remember throwing gameboys and gamegears at us in the car? I remember playing my gameboy until the batteries inevitably died. I even had a light that strapped on to the screen to light it up at night. Or, on long trips, my parents would hook up a tv in the car for us to watch movies on while we drove. And I came from a family that was pretty strict about tv while I was growing up. But our generation never stared at screens, right? I'm not saying tv and ipads should be used all day long, but moderation people.

Around me, I see a lot of moms concerned about what their kids eat, what they put on their kids skin. I see moms caring about safety, while grandmas balk "how did our kids ever survive?!" That one ALWAYS gets to me. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know regulations and laws are passed because of those that didn't survive, not those that are fine. I see moms taking their kids on adventures and playing with their kids in the backyard. When was the last time you were at the library? The kids section is always busy.

Sure, kids today may not get to play out in the road as much. But people drive horribly fast through my neighborhood. Plus, we all fear cps being called on us for any sort of reason. It happens, trust me. One of my friend's had the cops called on her for her kid crying for too long. When she explained she was showering and her two year old was throwing a fit over her showering, the cops were like peace out. But still, calling the cops?! And that's not the only person I know who has pointlessly had cps called on them.

Parenting is hard. I am sure it was hard when I was a kid, just as I am sure it was hard when my parents were kids. Each generation of parenting has its own set of challenges. Maybe we should all take a deep breath and instead of constantly attacking "parents these days" maybe offer a helping hand. You know, use some of that advice you want to dish out on your own grandchildren. Or even just tell a parent they are doing a good job from time to time. Positivity goes a long way.

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Connecting with Your Kids

I feel like I've hit this weird point in parenting. Gone are the days when I had endless time on my hands. When we would spend thoughtful time in various rooms of the house throughout the day. When we would have epic reading sessions, build amazing train tracks or play with the duplos on the front porch. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a moving train that I can't get off of. Get up, make breakfast, dress kids, get out the door, school drop off, grocery store, school pick up #1, home for lunch, school pick up #2, homework, naptime for Callum, prep dinner, and on and on and on. The easy connections I once had with my kids aren't so easy. And I'm not even what I would consider a busy mom compared to many.

Anyway, sometimes when someone is having a meltdown or things just aren't going how they should, I find some connection time to work like a charm. No need for discipline (yes, I realize there is definitely a place for discipline). Grab a book and cuddle up together for a few minutes. Or maybe have a coloring session together. Or work on a fun craft. Anything to press reset. And, you know what's amazing? After all is calm, you can actually address the issue that happened prior with complete calmness for both you and your child.

If only connection time would work for a tired toddler at an older sibling's baseball game! I guess you can't win em all.

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Multitasking Parent

I read an article that said that being a good multitasker isn't something to brag about because basically with multitasking instead of doing one thing well, you are doing a few things not so well. But, any parent will tell you, the key to parenting is multitasking. I mean, I don't know what multitasking is if it isn't trying to keep a baby's hands out of the toilet while you are pulling up your pants! I digress.

Here's one you don't see every day, a multitasking dad; roasting coffee and taking care of his baby. It was a scene I stumbled upon that sort of made my day. I love that this guy is not only passionate about his coffee, but he also is passionate about his kids and helping out. So, here's to all the multitasking dads out there. You rock!

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Sleep Training Callum

I'm not good at letting my kids cry it out. And for a while there, letting Callum sleep in the swing or cosleep had been working well. But, his sleep had progressively been getting worse. It had gotten to the point that he was sleeping in 45 minute intervals and it was becoming exhausting, both mentally and physically, on all of us. And once it wasn't working, I knew we had to change it. I just didn't know how...

Then I came across this. It seemed like a rather peaceful way to transition Callum not only from nursing all night long, but also to sleeping in his crib. I know the actual article talks of cosleeping, but I decided I wanted to go for it and quite night nursing and switch him to his crib all at once.

So, we began on a Friday...that way it was ok if it was a really bad night! The first night Callum woke six times. But, each time we got him back down in his crib without nursing him. I was feeling pretty excited about the whole thing after that night. In fact, I was sure it could only get better from there. But, I was wrong. Night two came around. Callum literally cried ALL NIGHT LONG. He was in our arms, just wailing. And I don't think it was over wanting to nurse. I truly believe it was because he wanted to be in our bed. It was awful. But, what I learned was, it was a turning point. Night three, Callum woke three times. Nights four and five, two. Then night six, once.

Each time I go in, I pick him up to calm him down, then set him back in his crib. If he starts crying, I put my hand on his chest and sing to him. Once he calms, I take my hand off, then a minute later stop singing, then walk out of his room. Sure, it's a process. But it's a process that works for us. I don't feel like I am just leaving Callum to fend for himself, and he doesn't scream hysterically, but goes to sleep. I call it a win.

We now have our evenings back again and it's felt heavenly.

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Stop and...

…watch the dust fall. I know, I know, you thought I was gong to say smell the roses there. I am going somewhere with that dust though. But first, what do you even write about when your last post becomes your MOST VIEWED POST OF ALL TIME within hours?! Oddly enough, my last most viewed post was also a bit of a rant from a few years ago. Apparently people like the rants.

But back to the dust. A couple days ago, I was sitting on the kitchen floor with Callum. The lighting was just right where you could see the dust falling through the air. Callum kept trying to grab it and it was totally entertaining me. But it also transported me back to my own childhood. I remember laying on my bedroom floor on Hazelwood Ave in Phoenix watching the dust fall. I also remember watching the clouds move from that very same window. To this day, watching clouds move still fascinates me…and apparently so does dust.

That falling dust really got my brain going. I don't consider myself an overly busy person. I am really pretty good at saying no. But I still get busy. I spend time cleaning the house instead of watching the dust fall with my kids. I have really been trying the last couple months to make sure to my kids, I am the "yes" mom. The mom that says yes when they ask me to play clue jr, school or shopkins with them.  I really, really want to lay that foundation with them now. That foundation that I am here for them. That they ARE IMPORTANT. That they ARE ENOUGH for me.

I often wonder why as adults some are close to their parents and others not. I do believe part of it is how the relationship was when they were children. Now I am not talking about being an over the top, creepily involved parent. But I am talking about my kids knowing they are more important than whatever it is that I have going on. My dad was always amazing at making sure my brothers and I knew that. That is certainly a trait I want to take from him and put in my parenting arsenal.

So here's to staring at the dust falling with my baby, playing shopkins with my preschooler and reading long books with my kid…even if the bathroom remains dirty and dinner gets on the table a little late.

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What makes you happy, makes me happy

It's funny how things my kids look forward to become things I look forward to. From the first week of school, Connor wanted to bring Curious George home. The day that finally happened, he was so happy and so was I. I knew how much he was looking forward to that. The same thing happened with the "c" vest. Each kid gets a letter vest to decorate with things corresponding with that letter. Ever since Connor found this out, he has wanted the "c" vest, just like his name. Now, there are a handful of kids in his class with names that start with a c, so I didn't know the likelihood that he would get it. So, when he came home with it a week ago, I was overjoyed for him. When it comes down to it, it really is the little things in life. And anything that brings a smile to my kids faces, brings a smile to mine.

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A Six Letter Word

The other day a word came out of this child's mouth that I have been trying to keep out of our house.

B-O-R-I-N-G.

I pretty much felt how Connor looks in this picture when he said it. In fact, I probably looked at him close to that. I can't stand that word. It's like running nails down a chalk board. It literally makes me shiver. It only took a month and a half at school for him to learn it and say it. So far, he has only referred to things as boring, rather than saying the dreaded "I'm bored". But seriously, whoever created this word is getting some serious stink eye from me right now.

I've heard Connor's friends use it before (and prayed that he had invisible ear muffs on and didn't hear it), so I knew it would eventually come into his vocabulary. But still. A mom can cry a little in the corner over this word making an appearance…and sticking around…in her house.

Aww, I can't believe my kid is old enough to find things boring…or more, vocalize that they are boring. And now I know why it used to drive my mom insane when I used to say "I'm bored" all the time. Aww parenthood, always putting things in perspective.

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The Biggest Messes Create the Most Fun and the Best Memories

After school yesterday, Connor asked if we could make "biscuits with pancake mix".  Apparently they made them at school...yep, they cook in his class. I asked if he wanted to make cookies instead, but he really wanted to make those biscuits. I even threw caution to the wind (or more took a deep breath and decided that it was ok to let my just cleaned kitchen get dirty) and let Connor pour the ingredients himself. Once the biscuits were in the oven, I decided to get a head start on dinner. Immersed in my work, I turned around when Connor asked for more milk. What was waiting for me was this scene:

Connor had dumped the rest of the bisquick in the bowl and was trying to mix it. Since it was already in the bowl, I figured it wouldn't hurt to let him do his thing. So, he got to play with (and eat!) the gooey mess until his heart was content.

^^ His cheese face looks so forced! 

After he finished playing, I cleaned up the mess...with a happy heart, knowing that my little boy spent a great deal of his afternoon doing something he wanted to do...making biscuits, playing with the dough and eating it...and none of it involved electronics, which far too often is a request these days.

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Quite the Character

Last year, when Connor came home with these shoes, I was mortified. Not only are they crazy bright and tacky, but they LIGHT UP. Just not my style at all. But, they made Connor happy. Oh-so-very-happy. He wore them until he could no longer squeeze his feet in without them hurting...which was just a couple weeks ago. And he actually squeezed his feet in a few times while they did hurt, but stubbornly didn't want to wear other shoes.

The ironic thing about these shoes is that they opened the door wide to Connor choosing what he wants to wear. It started with these shoes. Then came the minion shirts, which never seem to come off his body. And, he just seems to have an affinity for wearing really, um, tacky things. It's almost funny. Now that I think about it, loud clothing must just be his thing.

Gone are the days that I can dress Connor in polo shirts with a v-neck cardigan on top. In fact, if I want him to wear anything other than a minion shirt, I have to prep him for days. Still, he will ask for his minion shirt on the day of. This morning, as he was getting dressed, he came and told me I had obviously put the wrong shirt out because it was just a plain shirt and he didn't want to wear a plain shirt. Now, it wasn't just a plain shirt, but it didn't have anything crazy going on, so plain in Connor's book.

All this to say, it's funny how we will change to allow our children be themselves. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more ok with Connor wearing clothing that wouldn't be my first choice. Why is it ok? Because he is his own person and I get wanting to be proud of your outfit. So, my son, wear whatever crazy minion shirt you want. But, I do draw the line at shirts that have ridiculous sayings on them. Because, mama has to draw the line somewhere!

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Water Balloons

It's funny how kids have a way of reminding you how fun simple things in life can be. Now, don't get me wrong, I think water balloons are fun. I remember throwing them at the neighbors off our balcony and using a water balloon launcher to launch them one street over, then running in the house to hide. I remember water balloon fights with my brothers and friends. And filling balloons up so much, they were as big as my head.

What I don't remember is the joy of just throwing one up in the air and watching it pop on the ground. Or squeezing it until it pops. Or, in Isla's case, naming it "yellow baby" and carrying it around like a prized possession...then setting it in a bucket of water (that also contained tomatoes she just picked in our backyard) and freaking out if anyone came close to it.

I love the joy of reliving things through the eyes of my kids. I love the lazy afternoons in the backyard that turn out to be a fun adventure of bug catching and water slide creating. I love the laughter squealing that comes from the popping of a water balloon. I really do love this life of mine and the phase I am in.

  

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Flowers & Kitties

Just as I was always impressed at how the attraction to tractors and trains seemed to be built into Connor, I am equally impressed at the girly ways built into Isla. Girlfriend loves her some jewelry. And she also can't pass a flower without picking it. If I insist on not picking it, then she must stop, smell it and say what color it is. It is pretty dang cute.

I also may or may not refer to Isla as the "crazy cat lady". It started with a stuffed cat and the obsession grew. Getting her hands on real kitties at friends houses has only caused her love of the animal to grow. I bought her a cat shirt (a cute one, not a corny one) and she asks to wear it. One of my friends has the calmest most kid friendly kittens ever. They take hours of abuse play from Isla. They let her carry them around, hold them in her lap, hand feed them. They are VERY patient cats.

Isla sat like this with this cat for about 10 minutes. I couldn't believe the cat put up with it. Also, I feel the need to point out this is the first time Isla has ever given me a cheese smile when I took her picture. I find it equally funny and cute. We may need to practice smiling given that it looks like she just ate a lemon! 

Oh my girly girl. I never thought I would be able to handle having a daughter. But really, I totally love it.

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Oh Motherhood

Have you ever had one of those moments when you climb into bed at night and your foot hits something wet and gooey in bed? It was, of course, a banana one of my kids put in my bed, then jumped on a few times (they love jumping on our bed). 

Or maybe you came across a potty training toddler that pooped in her pants then tried to clean it up herself? Yeah, it's not pretty. 

Or maybe it was your children fighting over who gets to help you in a store...and of course one (if you are lucky, it isn't both) melts down because they don't get their way. 

Motherhood isn't always pretty. But usually, in the midst of those gross/stressful/crazy moments, I am just wishing someone was there to laugh along with me...well, Ian was for the banana in bed incident and even got to help me change the sheets at midnight. When I think about these types of things later, I am kind of grossed out...well, at least by any situation that deals with bodily fluids. And, if anyone else's kid did them to me, I would probably not want to handle it. Because who would just take a booger out of the hands of someone else's toddler?! But, you know, with my own, I put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Then, I text a couple people and let them know what just happened! Because, it's just too gross/funny/weird not to share. 

Motherhood isn't always glamorous. But, it is the only job that pays with that warm fuzzy feeling, with chubby little arms wrapped around your neck, squeezing you tight, with "I wuv you" being said to you. 

I heard recently that people are becoming scared of having children of their own because moms are being too honest about the struggles of parenting. I find that funny. Because, let me be honest, there have been sucky sides to every job I have had, but I still did them. And, guess what, the rewards were not nearly as great as motherhood. So, to all of you yet-to-be parents out there, don't be scared. Just know that it truly will be different with your kid because, well, it's your kid and you do it all in love. Oh, and you will totally want to share your insane/gross/ridiculous stories as well! Because, well, if you don't share them, it is almost as if it didn't happen. 

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Crazy Isla Sleep

^^ How do you falls asleep with a mop on top of you?!?

If you follow me on instagram, you already know that Isla falls asleep in interesting positions. She falls asleep out of her bed more often than she falls asleep in her bed. And, more often than not, the positions she falls asleep in leave me laughing...or scratching my head. It's gotten so interesting, I gave her sleeping positions their own hash tag #crazywaysislasleeps. And people seem to keep questioning how this happens, so I thought I would explain.

When Isla was in a crib, I would put her in bed and let her put herself to sleep. Switching over to a toddler bed, she didn't seem to want to just go to sleep, but wanted out of her bed to play. I quickly discovered we had two options. One, I could lay with her until she was asleep. Or, two, I could let her do her thing and put herself to sleep. Enter her falling asleep in every which way unknown to man. And, it works well for us. As long as Isla ins't over tired, we put her in her room and she plays until she is ready for bed. Generally, she is asleep by 8:30pm. And, almost half the time, she actually crawls into her bed to go to sleep. But, out of bed sure makes for some good pictures!

^^ Who doesn't like falling asleep with a good book?!

As you can tell, this isn't really a traditional bedtime method. But, I am one of those parents that does not only what works for our family, but what works for each kid. And, for Isla this works. So I am down with it.

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