My Parenting Mantra

A long time ago, I heard a story about some siblings at their mom's funeral finding out that she told all of them they were her favorite. And they each believed it. I heard that before I even had kids. I didn't really have any preconceived notions about motherhood, but one thing I knew I wanted was that I wanted each of my children to truly believe they were my favorite. Sure there are different seasons where different children require more or less time/attention/money/etc. But I always want each of my children to truly feel like they are my favorite. 

Another thing I think about are the teen years. Those years scare me. Probably because of how I was. How much I found myself searching for an identity and screwing up along the way. I can remember being so fearful of how my parents would react when I screwed up. I can remember testing the boundaries and even asking about their love for me. As a parent, I now get the depth of their love. As a child, I did not. 

I know my children will also search for who they are. I know they will make mistakes, both intentional and unintentional. Mistakes that come with natural consequences and ones without. But one thing I want to make sure they know is that we are in this together. I also know that this type of relationship between parent and child doesn't just start in the teen years. It is something that is built and grows over the years. 

For the past while now, I have a saying that I say to the kids from time to time...

Nothing you do or say will make me stop loving you. 

It's one I say when they are having good days. But also one I say to them when they are struggling. I may whisper it in their ear, or say it out loud to the car load of them. It's one I mean and I hope they grow to understand that I truly mean it. I want them to know I am a safe spot in this chaotic world. No, this doesn't mean that they never get in trouble from me for things they have or will do. What it means is, my love is NOT based on their actions. My love is NOT based on their mood. My love is NOT based on how well they are doing in school. My love is always there. NO. MATTER. WHAT. And no matter what happens, they do not need to fear me or fear loosing my love. We are in this together and will figure it out. 

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Busy, busy, busy

I remember a time, not so long ago, when I had two toddlers and I truly thought life was busy. And it was. There was the constant clean up of toys and food that was thrown. There was the endless book reading. And the laundry. So much laundry. Then there were the trips to the store for essentials, like diapers and wine ;) Walks to the park. Messes to be picked up and more. 

I remember in the thick of it all, a much more seasoned mom saying "You think you are busy now, just wait until they are in school!" After the feeling of wanting to throat punch her subsided, I am sure I made some sarcastic comment like, "at least you get to sleep through the night" and moved on.  Fast forward a few years and now I have two kids in school. All the sudden, I have had my ah-ha moment. Except, I was stupid. I decided to have a toddler AT THE SAME TIME as kids in school. Talk about really piling it on. 

Here's the thing about school. First there are all the drop offs and pick ups. Having one half day and one all day sure keeps life interesting. Then throw in all those minimum days just to throw you for a loop. Add on the "family projects"...seriously, how many family project togetherness activities do you want me to do teachers?!? Do you really think we are having a family bonding sesh around the table while working on the project? Nope. It usually involves me "helping" (i.e. trying to make sure the project doesn't get ruined by said child's genius project ideas) the person assigned the project while using a leg to keep away a toddler who is trying to grab at the project, all the while the other older child who isn't involved gives us their opinion about the project. Talk about bringing a family together! Then there's the normal day to day homework. And the reading logs. Let us not forget the reading logs. And let's throw in a few school activities to keep it fun. Sure I can bring something for the upcoming class party. And I would love to help with the Christmas craft. School feels like it consumes so much that the only time I really have to get anything done is while both kids are in school. 

That gives me exactly three hours each day to get stuff done. Now, I work an entire morning a week in the kids classrooms, so I only have four mornings to do all the things. Things like grocery shopping and appointment making. Cleaning the house and doing the laundry. And maybe I should try to see a friend every once in a while so I don't become a recluse! Let us not forget, all this happens with a toddler in tow.  

Don't you worry, I love this life of mine. I love these crazy kids of mine. I just never realized how all encompassing and life changing school is not just on a child, but on the whole family. 

And to think you wondered why I don't blog as often as I used to! 

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Last Week

Last week felt like a bit of a doozie. It started off with both Isla and Callum getting sick. Isla only had it for two days. Callum had it all dang week long. It made for a long week. A tired week. A week full of a lot of crying. For the first time in my almost eight years of being a parent, Ian offered to come home one afternoon and let me nap. THAT is what kind of week it was. One night Callum was literally up the whole night. Another, he woke in 15 minute cycles. Then he kept falling asleep during the day and crying inconsolably when I would have to wake him to go get Connor or Isla from school. So many people commented about how they had never seen him cry before. Which he normally doesn't, but he was just that miserable.

I took to bribing Callum with suckers when I would go get the kids from school. But, as soon as the sucker was gone, the crying was back. I also learned that Callum does not like the center of a tootsie pop. I guess tootsie rolls aren't his thing. One particularly desperate day, I went through five tootsie pops picking Connor up from school...in my defense, they are mini tootsie pops. Also, I don't care about defending myself because I think all parents have had days, weeks even, when it is strictly about survival.

But I made it. We made it. We are all still alive. We are all healthy. Mostly. Those coughs that kids get seem to stay around for weeks and weeks and weeks. Isla even asked me why everyone tells her that she has a cold. Haha! As hard and exhausting as it was of a week on me, it is also so hard to watch your baby be sick and miserable, trying everything you can do to help, but knowing they are still miserable. That just sucks.

Here's to hoping we got that out of our systems and don't have anymore sickness in our house for a good long while.

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Toddlers, man

The other day I was talking to a friend that has a kid just a couple days younger than Callum. We were discussing how full on toddlers are. How toddlers made babies seem like such a breeze. And it's so true. I know Callum started walking later than most, but it seemed like when he started walking, his little cheeky attitude came out too. Not to mention that the kid loves to climb. There is no table he won't scale. Like this scene above? He took advantage of me being distracted and climbed up on the table to finish Isla's snack. If anything, I mean anything, is on the dining room table, he will climb up there. And sometimes he will go up even if nothing is up there...just to crawl over to the other side. He gets on the table in the playroom and throws down anything within reach. Anything the kids left on the table, anything on the book ledge near by. Nothing is safe. The hysterical part is, when he gets caught and isn't done with his destruction, he puts his hands behind his back so you can't pick him up. It's quite ingenious and funny at the same time. 

Then there is his favorite form of communication, yelling. Or is it screeching?! Though I should admit, he is getting much better at actually answering yes or no to questions. And, will actually take your hand and drag you to whatever he wants. Usually this is popsicles. Popsicles day and night. And when I say no to a popsicle at 7am, he is none to pleased. His obsession with popsicles and the freezer made me remember that we had to put a lock on our last freezer when we had toddlers around. This one is much harder to open, so I am kind of hoping that by the time he gets the strength to open it, he will also have the self control to not help himself to whatever he wants 24 hours a day. 

Even with how busy he keeps me. Even when I wonder what he is trashing when I am over cleaning up his last mess. I become mush when he grabs my hand or lays his head on my shoulder. When he starts doing his adorable little toddler dancing. Or even when he just smiles at me. Maybe toddlers aren't so bad after all...as long as I'm not on a plane with one! 

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Plant Thief

My relatively new obsession is house plants. I've amassed a mini collection around the house over the past several months. Callum is pretty dang good about leaving them alone. Like literally never touches them. Just the other morning someone asked me about how I kept Callum from playing in the plants and (patting myself on the back) I told them how the angel virtually leaves them alone. Then that very same afternoon, the kid made me eat crow and ripped an entire plant out. And he obviously doesn't even feel sorry about it!

While we are at it, I can also mention his obsession with the knobs on our gas range, moving chairs so he can climb on top of things and the fact that he is already trying to open the front door. Behind that adorable smile of his is a cheeky, cheeky little boy that likes to keep his mama on her toes.

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Connecting with Your Kids

I feel like I've hit this weird point in parenting. Gone are the days when I had endless time on my hands. When we would spend thoughtful time in various rooms of the house throughout the day. When we would have epic reading sessions, build amazing train tracks or play with the duplos on the front porch. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a moving train that I can't get off of. Get up, make breakfast, dress kids, get out the door, school drop off, grocery store, school pick up #1, home for lunch, school pick up #2, homework, naptime for Callum, prep dinner, and on and on and on. The easy connections I once had with my kids aren't so easy. And I'm not even what I would consider a busy mom compared to many.

Anyway, sometimes when someone is having a meltdown or things just aren't going how they should, I find some connection time to work like a charm. No need for discipline (yes, I realize there is definitely a place for discipline). Grab a book and cuddle up together for a few minutes. Or maybe have a coloring session together. Or work on a fun craft. Anything to press reset. And, you know what's amazing? After all is calm, you can actually address the issue that happened prior with complete calmness for both you and your child.

If only connection time would work for a tired toddler at an older sibling's baseball game! I guess you can't win em all.

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Bad Mom?

Just be prepared. I am going to go on a bit of a rant here...

Keeping Callum entertained at Connor's baseball games can be a bit of a challenge. Lots of times the places he plays are not safe places to let Callum out of his stroller to roam around. And he's not content just being held by us. Couple this with it being evening time and it makes it quite the challenging couple hours. I have taken to getting him treats from the snack bar to keep him happy. And it's funny (not really haha, but intriguing) what people have to say about it. I get that giving a 16 month old cheetos isn't a normal occurrence. Heck, we don't even buy chips at all for our house. But sometimes there are just those do what you have to do to survive times and I would rather face them without people making comments about me feeding my kid cheetos...as if I am actually feeding him rat poison or something.

Which makes me think of the whole unicorn frappuccino fiasco last week. I saw someone in my instagram feed get attacked for posting a picture of her kid with one. One commenter even said she didn't deserve to be a mom. Really? Over giving a kid a sugary beverage? After watching so many people say so many negative comments about it, I did actually pipe up a bit to someone I know that commented about someone else I know's adorable children with their pink frappuccinos. I was just getting so tired of people sharing the nutritional information for a venti when in reality most people were getting their children a tall and that is HALF the size of a venti. Not to mention that no one knows how much the child actually drank. I mean, I thought those drinks looked so fun, I took my kids to get them...and that was the FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES they had ever had a frappuccino. Of course the unicorn ones were sold out and they had to settle for other flavors that they didn't particularly like or finish all of anyway. But my point is, how would anyone know that is the first time my children had frappuccinos, yet people love to judge.

People don't know that I put a lot of thought into what I feed my family. I read labels like no other. I avoid nitrates and high fructose corn syrup. And corn syrup, for that matter, along with artificial sweeteners. So when we are out somewhere and I let my kids have a treat, I let them have it completely guilt free knowing "everything in balance".

All people see is one event and decide to open their mouths. Why? Do they feel like the child is being raise incorrectly and their statement will change everything? Does it make them feel better about themselves, like they know something others don't? Or perhaps do they just like spouting off their unwanted opinions when they really aren't wanted or needed?

Now I know some will say that everyone is entitled to their opinions. And it's true. But just because you are entitled to your opinion doesn't mean you need to state that opinion out loud. We all are living our lives and raising our families how we see fit. And really...I mean REALLY...if no one is getting hurt, keeping our opinions to ourselves is probably a good thing.

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Three Kids

Most of the time, I feel like "I've got this." Then there are the times that I am nursing Callum and one of the other kids needs something and I am stuck trying to convince them to, say, wipe their own butt or wait 20 minutes until Callum is done. Or when I leave Callum crying in the other room so I can quickly read a bed time story and pray with one of the big kids. I forget how much attention babies demand RIGHT NOW. So, I find myself tending to the one that is screaming the loudest, which is generally Callum, while hoping the other two survive…and feeling a fair bit of mom guilt over it.

Thankfully I am pretty good at juggling all three kids because I am a bit of a planner and can usually work even the most mundane of details into my day's schedule. But, it really does suck when it feels like all three kids need me at the same moment and there is only so much of me to go around. I remember this with Isla as well, but I find making sure I carve out alone time with each of the older kids every day really does make a difference on all our attitudes. A little lego playing or story reading really does go a long way.

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tball

 

 

 

Tball season is in full swing over here. Connor is loving it. And another year older for him is proving him to have more focus on the game.

It's weird that we are at that point in parenthood that we have to start figuring out how to not let extra curricular activities dictate our lives. It's easy to say "each kid gets one", but then you think about how they also need swim lessons. And they show interest in other things. And blah, blah, blah. We have gotten to this point.

The point where your kid is a part of something they are proud of, and for that, you are proud. But, it is also a bit stressful. Because between driving across town for the games, arriving early to practice, then the game itself…not to mention getting home right at bedtime and doing all this with an almost four month old…it can feel like a bit much at times. Really, it just feels like I am always failing someone. The weather turned cold on us yesterday and I showed up at the game with everyone dressed in summer attire. That, combined with the game lasting plenty past Callum's bedtime, led to me sitting in the car, nursing Callum, while keeping him warm….watching Isla play with other kids in the grass…and jumping out of the car whenever it was Connor's turn to bat. It all just felt a bit like a juggling parent fail.

I know next year will be a bit easier…instead of a grumpy infant, I will have an I-want-to-be-independent one year old on my hands that will hopefully be happy playing in the dirt piles, like his big sister.

It's hard because I know at times I need to give myself a break and realize I can't do it all. Yet, on the flip side, I don't want to let my kids down and for Connor to some day be lamenting in counseling about how his mom sat in the car during his tball games.

But then again, this is only the beginning of this phase of life and I need to find something that works for our family. So, you know, we all survive the next 15+ years of life.

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A Doozy of a Dozy

^^ I'm told by a certain almost six year old that pirates don't smile 

It's been quite a week. A very long week. Connor got pink eye. This is the first time it has ever hit our house. The eye drops from the doctor did nothing to stop it and it lasted a full week. He missed four days of school before his doctor wrote a note saying he could be back at school with his eyes still pink…which funnily enough, he woke that morning for school and his eyes were no longer pink. She seemed just as stumped as I that his eyes were pink, yet he had no discharge. And, sure enough, on the morning that Connor got to go back to school, Isla woke up with it. I literally wanted to stand in the corner and scream. It's so hard when your kids are sick, but not really sick. They don't feel like they are sick. Yet, they feel like I am torturing them by not allowing them to go to school or play with their friends. And let's not even talk about the eye drops. Four times a day I am literally doing the absolute worst thing to my child. And just when I was done doing it with one, I got to start it with the other. It sucks trying to do something to your child that they hate so much.

A trip to Target by myself and some eggnog creamer to go in my coffee cheered me up and kept me from actually standing in the corner and screaming. But seriously, sometimes this parenting gig is hard work. And I keep being haunted by the thought that just as Isla gets better, I will come down with pink eye.


P.S. Please tell me I am not the only one who gets lines from their kids books stuck in their head? The Pout-Pout Fish in the Big-Big Dark talks about "a doozy of a..." and now I say it. 

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A Preschooler or a Teenager?

Connor has never really battled me with the whole clothing thing. Sure he would prefer a minion shirt, but for the most part does well. If he gets mad, it lasts all of 17 seconds. But, to be honest, he is the kid that doesn't really throw fits and I can generally talk "off the cliff". Isla is the total and complete opposite of Connor. She had a 45 minute meltdown the other day over a hair bow. A HAIR BOW!!! And it wasn't even that I wouldn't let her wear the bow she wanted. It was that it wouldn't stay in her hair the way she wanted and she didn't want to listen to me on how to make it work. It was drama. Like serious drama. I would like to say that this was a one time thing, but stuff like this happens all the time with her. And it is always related to clothes/shoes/hair. She even has an opinion about her pajamas! Her teacher complained to me about the shoes Isla wore to school the other day. I just smiled and said I wouldn't send her to school in those shoes again. But, I really wanted to tell the teacher how Isla stripped down naked as I was rounding up the kids to leave for school. How she insisted on wearing a princess dress and princess shoes and I wouldn't let her. How I let her pick anything in her wardrobe that she wanted to wear just so we could get to school. So the shoes she picked are a size too big and kept falling off. I was picking and choosing my battles that morning and had already been through a big one. But I didn't say any of that. I just smiled.

So, any moms out there have any advice on getting through this phase? Picking clothes out the night before doesn't work because she changes her mind constantly. She is like a teenager already! And all my relatives just laugh and say I am getting what I dished out as a kid. Thanks…and not helpful at all. Any advice? Or at least an understanding hug?

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The Ups and Downs of Parenting

Last week was hard. Like really hard. I don't know if it was the jet lag, adjusting to being back at home or what, but the kids were being crazy. They were fighting NONSTOP. It was emotionally exhausting on top of the physical exhaustion I felt from the jet lag. It just wasn't good. Then, sometime in the middle of all of the chaos, all was quiet. I knew the kids were in the bathroom together and that there would probably be a mess to clean up, but they were quiet, so I left them. When I finally decided to go check on them, I found the sweetest scene unfolding.

These two are frenemies through and through. And, to be honest, the sweet times often feel far too few and far between. But watching them sweetly interact without fighting for a few moments was just what this mama's weary soul needed.

 

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Oh Motherhood

Have you ever had one of those moments when you climb into bed at night and your foot hits something wet and gooey in bed? It was, of course, a banana one of my kids put in my bed, then jumped on a few times (they love jumping on our bed). 

Or maybe you came across a potty training toddler that pooped in her pants then tried to clean it up herself? Yeah, it's not pretty. 

Or maybe it was your children fighting over who gets to help you in a store...and of course one (if you are lucky, it isn't both) melts down because they don't get their way. 

Motherhood isn't always pretty. But usually, in the midst of those gross/stressful/crazy moments, I am just wishing someone was there to laugh along with me...well, Ian was for the banana in bed incident and even got to help me change the sheets at midnight. When I think about these types of things later, I am kind of grossed out...well, at least by any situation that deals with bodily fluids. And, if anyone else's kid did them to me, I would probably not want to handle it. Because who would just take a booger out of the hands of someone else's toddler?! But, you know, with my own, I put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Then, I text a couple people and let them know what just happened! Because, it's just too gross/funny/weird not to share. 

Motherhood isn't always glamorous. But, it is the only job that pays with that warm fuzzy feeling, with chubby little arms wrapped around your neck, squeezing you tight, with "I wuv you" being said to you. 

I heard recently that people are becoming scared of having children of their own because moms are being too honest about the struggles of parenting. I find that funny. Because, let me be honest, there have been sucky sides to every job I have had, but I still did them. And, guess what, the rewards were not nearly as great as motherhood. So, to all of you yet-to-be parents out there, don't be scared. Just know that it truly will be different with your kid because, well, it's your kid and you do it all in love. Oh, and you will totally want to share your insane/gross/ridiculous stories as well! Because, well, if you don't share them, it is almost as if it didn't happen. 

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One of "Those" Days

It was just one of those days. 

The day that no matter what I did Connor and I butted heads. 

At every corner, I felt like he was pushing my buttons. 

It was hard. 

It was exhausting. 

I was trying to keep my cool. 

I even bathed him early to give both of us a break. Of course, that ended up making things even worse because he kept throwing water at his sister every time she walked in the bathroom. 

I kept it together until bedtime. Sort of. And that was even with me pushing up bedtime. Pushing it way up. 

The lights were off and I crawled in bed with my little guy to talk. I wanted to talk about the day. Talk about how both of us were acting. But all he wanted to talk about was why we couldn't build legos right then. Seriously?! All the other moms seem to have these heart to hearts with their kids after a rough day...why can't I?! Every single question I asked was followed up with, "Why can't we build legos right now?" Every single last question. I finally gave up, realizing this wasn't going to become the warm and fuzzy talk with my four and a half year old I was looking for. I prayed for him and left the room. 

Plopping on the couch, I realized I am glad that I serve a redemptive God that listens to me no matter how I have been acting. He is the king of second chances. I am so glad tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate. I want to give my kids a clean slate (and them to give me one), just as God gives me one. Here's to hoping Connor and I don't push each other's buttons all day...or, at least I get a little better at responding to those pushes. 

Need some more "mom" encouragement? You can read more stories from other "bad moms" here. Or just follow me around the store when I take my kids grocery shopping...then you will feel much better about yourself and your parenting skills! 

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Real Mom Moment

Yesterday I experienced what was (hopefully) the worst temper tantrum I have ever had to deal with. It wasn't your run of the mill, throw yourself on the floor and scream temper tantrum. It was a psychotic episode that left everyone around me judging my parenting, I am sure. Isla was hitting me and kicking me. She screamed for 45 minutes. 45 MINUTES! Her face was red and sweat was pouring down it. She was mad. She was out of control. And, of course, it started while we were in public. All because I said no...the nerve of me!

I am always amazed at the patience (or self control) that I actually have. When it is tested at times like this, I think all sorts of crazy things in my head, but manage to stay cool and calm. Because, let me tell you, I certainly wasn't feeling cool or calm when my toddler kept hitting my face in public.

This sassy little girl certainly gives me a run for the money from time to time. And I have to admit, it scares me a bit to imagine how this could play out at a teenager.

 

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Just Being Real

That cereal mess you see on the floor is only about 1/8 of the cereal that ended up on my floor from Connor deciding to get his own cereal...and milk wasn't even included in the mess. But all the cereal in the box (the box was about half full) ended up on the floor. It happened in the kitchen, so I am unsure how it ended up all over the dining room floor as well. And before I got the chance to clean it up, both kids traipsed through it a couple times. You know, just to help mom out a little.

It's on days like this (and mostly every day of the year) that I am glad we don't have carpet.

That Time Everything Went Wrong

As a parent I have learned to make the best of practically any situation. Nothing ever goes to plan and there is always at least one hiccup (meltdown, poopsplosion, child hurting themselves, etc.) to deal with. But, you know, you go with the flow. That didn't so much happen yesterday. 

Yesterday Ian was headed to the driving range and I thought it would be fun for the whole family to come along. It started off so well. Connor was excited, Isla was sitting quietly in her stroller. Ian helped Connor hit a few balls. Connor tried running after them and learned he can't cross "the line" to go get them back. 

Then things started going down hill slightly. Connor didn't want to sit back with me and watch Ian hit some balls. Isla suddenly wanted out of her stroller. She then got her turn hitting balls with daddy and that seemed to just wet her appetite for running around. 

Kids started running in opposite directions, crying when I caught them and dragged them back to sit with me. About 5 minutes into our adorable family outing, I beckoned Ian to help me corral the kids to the car and I drove around for a bit while Ian finished practicing his swing in peace. 

But hey, at least I got some cute pictures that made it look like we had a blast!