Four Kids

^^ I feel I should mention, I considered using a pretty picture of me and the kids from our family photos for this post. However, this photo was taken on what was the best day with the kids I have had in recent memory. The kids were in great moods, there was almost no whining, no fighting and we just enjoyed ourselves. And that folks needs to be documented! 

With each kid, things have gotten easier...well, after the first. My confidence has grown. I have learned more and more to not care what others think and to be confident in my own parenting decisions. With each kid, life has also gotten busier. Sure, I've learned to let a lot of the little things go, but also, four kids just requires a lot of time. And that time has to come from somewhere. It has come from places like updating this old blog of mine. Or organizing pictures. I used to meticulously organize all the photos I took a couple times a week. Or reading. I used to read a whole book in a day or two. Now I am lucky to finish a couple in a year. Now, I will admit, I am pretty darn bad about "self care". I know it is a buzz word, so I should probably be all over it. The thing is, I would rather a clean house (which seriously lowers my anxiety level) over some me time in a tub. Now, I do tap out every once in a while, leave Ian in charge, and go watch a show in our room by myself. On one hand, I wish that happened more than it does. On the other, I know all to well just how fleeting this season is...I had three months with two kids in school before Callum was born, so the memory is there. I know I will miss this season. All too much. It's probably the reason I take so many pictures. I want to be able to remember. One day the time will come when I can cozy up in a coffee shop all by myself. And when that time comes, I somehow have a feeling it will be spent with me scrolling through old photos of the kids. After all, that's what I already do at night when they are in bed.

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Finding Joy in the Mundane

I like to joke that I was JOMO (joy of missing out) before JOMO was even a thing or cool. I wasn't always this way. I used to almost have a need to be out of the house every waking moment. But, I have learned a lot about myself over the past few years and one of the main things I learned is that I recharge from being at home and that having too much going on makes me stressed and not a good wife or mom. Now here's the thing, I am a recovering "yes person". I struggle with feeling like I should always help someone out, no matter what. Well, I discovered I was saying yes to people to the detriment of my own family. Because when I spent all day trying to please other people by watching their kids or helping on a committee or whatever it happened to be, I found that not only was I not paying attention to my own children during the day like I should, but I also had no energy left for my family by the time the evening came around. So I learned to slow down...or having two more babies slowed me down! 

By slowing down, I've learned to appreciate more of what is immediately around me. I have the time to let Callum help me vacuum or to get all the art supplies out for Isla to make art. I have the energy and the want to read Callum a bedtime story and to lay with Isla until she falls asleep. Because, when I was busy all the time, I had neither the energy or the will for those things. I was maxed out and needed to recharge at the end of the day by being alone. But by learning to say no to outside things, I have been able to say yes to and enjoy the mundane, the everyday things that happen at home raising my children.

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The Christmas Season

These pictures have nothing to do with what I am about to rant write about. They just stand as photographic evidence that I did actually do some holiday activities with the kids leading up to Christmas. 

Just to prepare you, I am about to go on a bit of a rant. Now don't get me wrong during this rant. If you are one of those Pinterest or advent calendar moms that loves (and has the time) to do activities with your kids every day, more power to you. I have friends that did some incredible things like this during this season and it looked super fun through instagram stories. But just as I don't judge them for doing things different than me, I don't want to be judged either. 

A couple weeks ago I was talking with a couple who have a Pinterest worthy daughter about my age. They were telling me all the amazing and over the top activities their daughter was doing with her children every day. Then, they asked what holiday activities I had been doing with my kids each day. Let's be honest, at this point, I can barely bend over and pick stuff up off the floor! And though I would love to blame my lack of doing an amazingly thought out activity with my children each day in December on my pregnancy, the fact is, it just isn't my personality. I am more of a go with the flow type person and rigid plans stress me out. But back to my conversation. As I explained that I had yet to do anything with my children (in my defense it was like the 8th of December or something) they looked at me in horror. Like actual literal horror. Then I was asked, "Do you even have a Christmas tree?!?" I do folks, don't you worry. It even went up the weekend of Thanksgiving. I love me some Christmas. I just don't love me a busy and stressful month. 

Now, here's the thing. Did we manage to squeeze in some holiday activities? Of course we did. We went to an angel breakfast that we have gone to the past several years. Ian took Isla to the Nutcracker. He offered to take the kids ice skating and they said no...hahahaha! We drove around looking at Christmas lights with hot chocolates in hand. Another night, we took a hay ride through a local farm's light display. And, on the morning of Christmas Eve, we squeezed in some cookie decorating. None of these activities were planned well in advance. Well, the angel breakfast was for like a week or two. Everything else just fit where there was time in our normal lives. 

And guess what? Even though we didn't do amazing activities every day, the kids still enjoyed themselves. We all did. None of us were out shopping in the chaotic stores days before Christmas...thanks to online shopping. When days already felt full because of school parties, work and other Christmas parties, friends birthday parties, even Callum's birthday, we didn't do things. It just felt nice not to cram things in and stress myself trying to fit it all in. Which, this again shows you a bit about my personality, I don't like being super busy. 

The moral of the story is, don't try to keep up with others if you don't have it in you. Celebrate their awesomeness in doing all the things. Then celebrate your awesomeness in cuddling up on the couch with your kids for the fourth night in a row. We are all hardwired differently. That's a good thing. A thing to be celebrated. Not a thing to tear each other down for us all not keeping up (or laying low) to each other's standards. 

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8 Years Later

There is an indoor winter gardens in Aberdeen, Scotland that we visited while there in July. We used to live just up the street from it and I would frequently walk around in it with Connor during those cold winter months. It was warm and gave me a place to get out of the house to. While there, I made Connor take a picture in a spot that I knew I had taken many pictures of him over our time living there. Of course, when we got home I couldn't find any of the pictures. So much for being good at organizing photos! 

The other day I got an itch to finish the kids baby books, since I was ordering updated family photos for our frames in our living room...nesting affects every aspect of life! While going through pictures, I stumbled across a random file that only had a few pictures in it. Well, it had pictures of Connor standing in the exact spot I took his picture this summer. Sure, no one but me can tell the pictures were taken at the same spot, given the angle, but it still made me happy to have a little comparison. And I got a chuckle out of the fact that, completely unplanned, he was wearing a red shirt in both photos. 

So there you have it, Connor standing in the same spot eight years later. A place that holds so many memories for me of that early time of motherhood. A place where Connor and I learned and grew together so much. A place where fellow women, who I hardly knew at the time, came along side of me and helped me so much in those early days. A place that will forever hold a special spot in my heart.

Wow, that got sappy fast!

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Mother's Day

Here's to you

You were pink or blue

And everything I wanted

Here's to you

Never sleeping through

From midnight till the morning

Had to crawl before you walked

Before you ran

Before I knew it 

You were trying to free your fingers from my hand

'Cause you could do it on your own now

Somehow

Slow down

Won't you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it's all too fast

Let's make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

I am your biggest dan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down

-lyrics to Slow Down by Nichole Nordeman

Mother's day. It's one of those days that you are supposed to celebrate your mother or feel celebrated as a mother, but all it did was leave me reminded how quickly my children's childhoods are happening. I really am so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to be these three amazing people's mother. It was something I never knew how much I wanted until I became a mother. These amazing and crazy human beings bring me so much laughter, joy and pride...and also make me exhausted and test my patience constantly. 

Ian served me breakfast in bed. The kids gave me funny notes telling me that they appreciated me for things like helping them with their homework and that I make them laugh when I scare their brother. There were painted plates made for me and hand drawn cards. Then we all took a trip up to Railtown (more on that later) and got to watch Callum's eyes light up as he took his first ever train ride. Then, to top it off, I went grocery shopping at a practically empty store, because I guess most moms don't grocery shop on mother's day. It was a pretty dang good day.

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Where does the time go?

It's funny how things change and you don't even notice it. I can't tell you the last time I gave Callum a sink bath. He used to have them on the daily. Our kitchen sink practically begs for a child to be bathed in it and Callum always happily obliged. Well, obviously he has gotten older and bigger. And at some point, I guess the sink baths just stopped.

The other day, while I was making dinner, Callum was under my feet constantly, making it difficult to cook, so I decided to plop him in the sink for a bath. It had been so long that at first he resisted. Well, as soon as he saw the bubbles and water flowing, there was no more resisting and he plopped right in for a grand ole time.

But it caught me off guard, that whole things changing and not even realizing it. Kind of like me not remembering the last time Connor slept in our bed with us. Or not remembering the last time I just hung out with a friend I was once attached at the hip to. Things change. I guess that's just how life is.

Then I read this caption on instagram, "if childhood weren't so temporary, I wonder if it would be as precious." Well isn't that the freaking truth?! I think back to my own childhood and probably idealize some of the things because they can no longer happen, so I am certain I do it with my own children's childhoods!

I don't have a wrap this up in a pretty bow way of ending this post. Obviously I am over here getting emotional over sink baths. Sink baths! So how much can you really expect from me?! Now I'm off to look at my children as tiny babies and cry a bit...

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a week and a half

Callum has never been what I would call a stellar sleeper. In fact, he falls perfectly into my theory. A theory that was developed based on my own children (duh.) and has proven true three times over, so is OBVIOUSLY correct. Anyway, the theory goes that babies are either good nappers or good night sleepers, but never both. I've had one good night sleeper and two good nappers, so yeah.

Callum is a good napper. Over his lifetime, he has randomly slept through the night maybe a handful of times. Isla started sleeping through the night at two and a half, so mentally I have been counting down the time until Callum would be two and a half. It's June, in case you were wondering. But then all of the sudden, one beautiful January night, the clouds parted, the moon shone through and Callum slept through the night. And he did it again the next night. And the night after that. For fear of not wanting to jinx it, I didn't say anything to Ian. I was sure he had noticed anyway. And, I know that jinxing isn't really a thing, but it always feels like when I speak something out loud, jinxing happens. Anyway. After a week and a half, I did it. I finally said something to Ian. And we were like, "Oh yeah! Sleep has finally come to us! Our lives are amazing. This is great." Then one whole sleep later, EVERYTHING CHANGED.

I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I know. But I just had to celebrate. What has followed has been three nights of relative torture. The kid isn't just waking in the night, but screaming hysterically, inconsolably for long periods of time. I don't think it's night terrors. Connor had those and they were different. Callum is awake during these periods. Just really pissed off. I knew I shouldn't have said anything!

Someday, when I'm like 60 I'll get to sleep again. And when I do, I vow to take my crappy sleepers of grandchildren relatively often to give my poor children and their spouses a bit of uninterrupted sleep. Because really, the worst part isn't being woken over and over again in the night. It is being woken to a fully awake state, not being able to get back to sleep for two hours, then being reawaken a mere 15 minutes after you last looked at the clock and the whole cycle starting over again.

This kid sure is cute though. And somehow, miraculously, these odd sleep patterns seem to not affect his daytime moods at all. They sure do affect my daytime coffee consumption though. Good thing I know a good coffee guy.

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My Parenting Mantra

A long time ago, I heard a story about some siblings at their mom's funeral finding out that she told all of them they were her favorite. And they each believed it. I heard that before I even had kids. I didn't really have any preconceived notions about motherhood, but one thing I knew I wanted was that I wanted each of my children to truly believe they were my favorite. Sure there are different seasons where different children require more or less time/attention/money/etc. But I always want each of my children to truly feel like they are my favorite. 

Another thing I think about are the teen years. Those years scare me. Probably because of how I was. How much I found myself searching for an identity and screwing up along the way. I can remember being so fearful of how my parents would react when I screwed up. I can remember testing the boundaries and even asking about their love for me. As a parent, I now get the depth of their love. As a child, I did not. 

I know my children will also search for who they are. I know they will make mistakes, both intentional and unintentional. Mistakes that come with natural consequences and ones without. But one thing I want to make sure they know is that we are in this together. I also know that this type of relationship between parent and child doesn't just start in the teen years. It is something that is built and grows over the years. 

For the past while now, I have a saying that I say to the kids from time to time...

Nothing you do or say will make me stop loving you. 

It's one I say when they are having good days. But also one I say to them when they are struggling. I may whisper it in their ear, or say it out loud to the car load of them. It's one I mean and I hope they grow to understand that I truly mean it. I want them to know I am a safe spot in this chaotic world. No, this doesn't mean that they never get in trouble from me for things they have or will do. What it means is, my love is NOT based on their actions. My love is NOT based on their mood. My love is NOT based on how well they are doing in school. My love is always there. NO. MATTER. WHAT. And no matter what happens, they do not need to fear me or fear loosing my love. We are in this together and will figure it out. 

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Three Kids

Three kids bring so much joy, chaos and love into your life. They also bring endless dishes, more fights in the car than I care to admit and a dirty house I never thought possible. Let's not even talk about the car that looks like it should be cleaned out wearing a hazmat suit!

Three kids simultaneously bring together and pulls apart the two parents responsible for them. It brings you together with knowing looks when a kid does something at bedtime...because bedtime with three kids is a lot of work and best to be tackled as a team. It pulls you apart when at least one always ends up in your bed. Then there's the playing you against each other. Who knew it started at such a young age?!

When you have three kids, people stop inviting you places. Three kids is just a lot and seems to be the tipping point. No longer are you invited over for dinner or invited to large gatherings...because everyone is afraid you will show up with your three loud, unpredictable kids. Which is ironic because that is probably the last thing you want to do! People also stop offering to watch your three kids. Because, well, three kids is a lot of chaos and noise. Did I mention the fighting? That is like 93% of the chaos and noise. 

Three kids is also when you have to start lying when you book a hotel room, because most occupancy rates are for four people. It's also when you have to pay out the wazoo for a rental car because good luck getting three car/booster seats across, not to mention trying to fit all that luggage in the trunk of a car!

But here's the thing, even with all the public humiliation (hello tantrums, I'm talking about you!), the lack of help, and the lack of sleep, I wouldn't change a thing. I.wouldn't.change.a.thing. All those kisses and hugs. All the bedtime snuggles. All the cheesy kid jokes. All the times they are actually playing well together make it worth it. Not to mention, I already loathe the day when I have a silent home from everyone being gone. But it won't be silent for long. Because even if my kids choose to have ten kids each, I will be there to help. I will be there to play. I will be there to love.

In the mean time, I hope my three kids remember their childhoods as ones full of laughter, love, hugs and mom reading to them. And maybe, just maybe, also one that taught them some life skills, like how to get along with others in close quarters, how to scrub a toilet, how to do the laundry and how to choose joy.

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Busy, busy, busy

I remember a time, not so long ago, when I had two toddlers and I truly thought life was busy. And it was. There was the constant clean up of toys and food that was thrown. There was the endless book reading. And the laundry. So much laundry. Then there were the trips to the store for essentials, like diapers and wine ;) Walks to the park. Messes to be picked up and more. 

I remember in the thick of it all, a much more seasoned mom saying "You think you are busy now, just wait until they are in school!" After the feeling of wanting to throat punch her subsided, I am sure I made some sarcastic comment like, "at least you get to sleep through the night" and moved on.  Fast forward a few years and now I have two kids in school. All the sudden, I have had my ah-ha moment. Except, I was stupid. I decided to have a toddler AT THE SAME TIME as kids in school. Talk about really piling it on. 

Here's the thing about school. First there are all the drop offs and pick ups. Having one half day and one all day sure keeps life interesting. Then throw in all those minimum days just to throw you for a loop. Add on the "family projects"...seriously, how many family project togetherness activities do you want me to do teachers?!? Do you really think we are having a family bonding sesh around the table while working on the project? Nope. It usually involves me "helping" (i.e. trying to make sure the project doesn't get ruined by said child's genius project ideas) the person assigned the project while using a leg to keep away a toddler who is trying to grab at the project, all the while the other older child who isn't involved gives us their opinion about the project. Talk about bringing a family together! Then there's the normal day to day homework. And the reading logs. Let us not forget the reading logs. And let's throw in a few school activities to keep it fun. Sure I can bring something for the upcoming class party. And I would love to help with the Christmas craft. School feels like it consumes so much that the only time I really have to get anything done is while both kids are in school. 

That gives me exactly three hours each day to get stuff done. Now, I work an entire morning a week in the kids classrooms, so I only have four mornings to do all the things. Things like grocery shopping and appointment making. Cleaning the house and doing the laundry. And maybe I should try to see a friend every once in a while so I don't become a recluse! Let us not forget, all this happens with a toddler in tow.  

Don't you worry, I love this life of mine. I love these crazy kids of mine. I just never realized how all encompassing and life changing school is not just on a child, but on the whole family. 

And to think you wondered why I don't blog as often as I used to! 

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You got all that from feet?!

There's something about my kids feet that always gives me perspective. I take pictures of their feet all the time. The shoes they wear say something about the stage they are in, about their personality and the season of life we are in. The size and where their feet land, or don't land, also tell a tale of where they are at in this journey of childhood. I often find myself pausing to see how close to the floor my kids feet come when they sit in different chairs, knowing in far too soon, their feet will be touching. I am constantly reminded how childhood goes by in a flash. Sure, my own childhood didn't necessarily feel that way, but watching friends kids become teens and adults, it just weirds me out. Then knowing that in a flash my own kids will be there. I want them to enjoy this time now to the fullest. They will never have the ease of no responsibility again. They will never again have the joy of eating what they want without abandon or recklessly spending all their birthday money on something pointless. So, as they do it now, I hope they remember. I hope they come out of this childhood of their with magical memories, just like I have from mine. 

Sure, I can remember the awkward times, feeling like an outcast at school or fighting like cats and dogs with my brothers...I remember packing up to move in with my aunt a time or two when I was just over life with my brothers! But I choose to focus on the magical moments. How my dad always was willing to sit in the backyard so we could swim, or how he would play hide and go seek in the dark with us when my mom wasn't home. Or how my mom turned our home into something truly magical at Christmas and I always loved being greeted with that cinnamony smell when I came home from school. There was also the riding of plastic trays down the slides at Mcdonald's, which, oddly enough, the workers always seemed to get angry about. Or my brother and I being sure to grab each other's report cards from the mail before my mom could get them. 

Growing up, figuring our who we are and our place in the world is such a complex process. It's one I hope my children feel they get to do in a safe home, full of love. In a home where they feel safe to chase their dreams, even if those dreams seem crazy. In a home where failure is allowed because it means you tried. In a home where love and joy not only abound, but are a given, and give them the confidence to follow their crazy dreams. 

See, I told you you would be shocked that I got all that just from looking at some feet! 

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Girly Girl

I remember when I had Isla, being afraid that I wouldn't be enough for her. You see, I am not a girly girl. I don't know how to really apply make up...a little mascara and tint on my lips is about all I can swing. And before I cut all my hair off, I wasn't high maintenance in that area either. I was (and still am a bit) afraid that when Isla gets older and turns to me for advice, I won't be able to help.

I like to think of Isla as a girly girl with flair. She loves her some skirts, but also loves pokemon and star wars. She loves makeup and hair product, but loves to play in the dirt like no other. Perhaps, well balanced would be a better way to put it.

A week ago, we went away for a couple nights with Ian's family. Ian's parents took all the grandkids into a toy store and let them pick out a toy or two. What did Isla end up with? A nail kit. The other day, she put on some nails, then went into my bathroom and "did" her hair. AKA: put a bunch of my hair product in her hair, threw in a few hair clips and called it a day! She also found some makeup and put it on. Then, she went and admired herself in the mirror. No matter how insecure I feel about not being able to help her with these things as she gets older, I couldn't help but love watching her looking so proudly at herself in the mirror.

Of course, all the pampering at five years old also has me a bit worried for the teen years!!!

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The Slowness of Bath Time

I remember when Connor and Isla were little, bath time was literally my favorite time of the day. They could literally play happily in there forever and it gave me a moment of calm. Something about getting three kids bathed and ready for bed feels less calm and more assembly line like.

The other day, due to consuming far too many blueberries the day prior, Callum NEEDED a bath in the morning. And let me tell you, when you don't have any place to be, a morning bath is where it's at! The older kids were still asleep. I just sat on the floor of the bathroom and watched this little guy splash and play to his heart's content. It really was a sweet part of my day. And given that I don't enjoy these times the same as much anymore, due to all the distractions, it was a welcome relief to our normal bath times these days.

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On Parenting Today

Parenting today seems to be constantly getting a bad rap. It seems like every day I am inundated with another article telling us exactly what we are doing wrong. All these articles seem to be shared by teachers and well meaning grandparents who somehow don't see the plank coming out of their own eye (of course that is another subject for probably not another day). Parents are made to sound like all we do these days is shove lollipops in our kids mouths while showering them with every toy toysrus offers, as they stare mindlessly at the tv/ipad all day. Yep, that's pretty much how myself and everyone I know are raising kids.

First, I want to address something that always seems to get under my skin. Do the grandparents of today not remember throwing gameboys and gamegears at us in the car? I remember playing my gameboy until the batteries inevitably died. I even had a light that strapped on to the screen to light it up at night. Or, on long trips, my parents would hook up a tv in the car for us to watch movies on while we drove. And I came from a family that was pretty strict about tv while I was growing up. But our generation never stared at screens, right? I'm not saying tv and ipads should be used all day long, but moderation people.

Around me, I see a lot of moms concerned about what their kids eat, what they put on their kids skin. I see moms caring about safety, while grandmas balk "how did our kids ever survive?!" That one ALWAYS gets to me. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know regulations and laws are passed because of those that didn't survive, not those that are fine. I see moms taking their kids on adventures and playing with their kids in the backyard. When was the last time you were at the library? The kids section is always busy.

Sure, kids today may not get to play out in the road as much. But people drive horribly fast through my neighborhood. Plus, we all fear cps being called on us for any sort of reason. It happens, trust me. One of my friend's had the cops called on her for her kid crying for too long. When she explained she was showering and her two year old was throwing a fit over her showering, the cops were like peace out. But still, calling the cops?! And that's not the only person I know who has pointlessly had cps called on them.

Parenting is hard. I am sure it was hard when I was a kid, just as I am sure it was hard when my parents were kids. Each generation of parenting has its own set of challenges. Maybe we should all take a deep breath and instead of constantly attacking "parents these days" maybe offer a helping hand. You know, use some of that advice you want to dish out on your own grandchildren. Or even just tell a parent they are doing a good job from time to time. Positivity goes a long way.

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Connecting with Your Kids

I feel like I've hit this weird point in parenting. Gone are the days when I had endless time on my hands. When we would spend thoughtful time in various rooms of the house throughout the day. When we would have epic reading sessions, build amazing train tracks or play with the duplos on the front porch. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a moving train that I can't get off of. Get up, make breakfast, dress kids, get out the door, school drop off, grocery store, school pick up #1, home for lunch, school pick up #2, homework, naptime for Callum, prep dinner, and on and on and on. The easy connections I once had with my kids aren't so easy. And I'm not even what I would consider a busy mom compared to many.

Anyway, sometimes when someone is having a meltdown or things just aren't going how they should, I find some connection time to work like a charm. No need for discipline (yes, I realize there is definitely a place for discipline). Grab a book and cuddle up together for a few minutes. Or maybe have a coloring session together. Or work on a fun craft. Anything to press reset. And, you know what's amazing? After all is calm, you can actually address the issue that happened prior with complete calmness for both you and your child.

If only connection time would work for a tired toddler at an older sibling's baseball game! I guess you can't win em all.

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