Am I Old?

How do I know if I am old? There will always be someone out there that I am older than; yet on the opposite end, there will always be someone out there that I am younger than. Working at the 'bucks, I am constantly asked how old I am. Most people are shocked to find out 1. that I am 26 and 2. that I am married. When I ask people how old they thought I was, they usually say anywhere between 19-21. When I ask why, I have received such answers as "because of your sunny disposition", "because of your energy" and more. What does this mean? Does it mean that I act younger than I really am? I still haven't decided if I should take people thinking I am young as a blessing or not. I think it is a good thing to look young, but to act young is a whole other thing! No one has actually come out and said that I act young, but still what does it mean to have a "sunny disposition"? I don't want to be seen as immature, but I don't want to be old either.

Sometimes I feel old. I don't have the energy and stamina that I used to. I also think "old" thoughts. I think about how my actions will affect my future. I think about saving for retirement. I think about where Ian and I should "settle down". I think about when we should have a family. I think about if I would be a good mom or not. I think about my career (or lack of) and what I should do with my life. I think about what I should make for dinner. I think about cleaning the house, doing the laundry and more. Yet, I watch MTV, play on the internet, use myspace and facebook, talk on the phone to my friends for long periods of time, stay up late, care about what people think of me, love shopping and buying expensive things, and so much more...

Yet still I ponder, am I old?

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