It isn't often I pull out my soap box these days. But I went ahead and dusted if off, just for this…

I remember after we had Connor feeling like I was letting Ian down, letting our marriage down, because we couldn't have a weekly date night. Heck, we couldn't even have a monthly date night! We lived oceans away from our family and friends. We managed to leave Connor a couple times with friends we had made, but that was it. But all I heard from people over and over was how crucial a weekly date night is to a marriage surviving. 

Fast forward almost seven years and three children and I would like to kill the myth that the cornerstone of every great marriage (with children) is a weekly date night. Let's be honest, for most of us, it just isn't a reality. Who has the time, money or energy for a weekly date night while also wrangling children? It doesn't mean we don't love our husbands or cherish our marriages, it's just a reality. 

I've grown to realize that crappy marriages have weekly date nights (though great ones have it too) and amazing marriages rarely ever get a night out (of course, there's crappy ones in this category as well). What really matters is what happens in between those date nights. It's the mutual love and respect. The holding hands in bed and talking, even if there is a baby in between you. It's the long, lingering hugs and quick kisses stolen while loading groceries in the car together. 

Just as a marriage isn't made from a wedding, a marriage also isn't made from weekly date nights. Rather, it really is every other moment in between those date nights. Don't get me wrong, date nights rock for so many reasons. I love having uninterrupted time with Ian. But, I also love giving him a knowing glance when our kids are being lunatics. Or laughing at the chaos that is dinner every night in our house…please tell me we aren't the only ones who's kids "finish" eating and run around like crazy people, not letting you finish your meal in peace!?

I sometimes feel we do people a disservice by going on and on about how important (and incredibly unpractical) a weekly date night is. We make it seem that if a babysitter isn't hired and a fancy meal not enjoyed, then it doesn't matter. But I am hear to tell you that a glass of wine on the front porch after the kids go to bed is just as good…if not better because you don't have a big babysitting bill at the end! So please, for the love of marriage, stop going on and on about how the weekly date night will save marriages. 

Ok, I'm putting my soap box back in storage again. It will be cute pictures of my kids and talk of my house from here on out…until something irks me enough again to pull it back out. I get much better at keeping my opinions to myself the older I get. Maybe it's maturity, maybe it's my brain cells being used up by my children. Who really knows?! 

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1 comment:

  1. It definitely isn't a reality for us here either. I couldn't tell you the last time we had a date night. With zero family around and babysitters being so expensive PLUS a nursing baby, it's just like....impossible. And definitely not top priority at this point in time. Maybe someday...but even then, probably not.

    All of that to say, I agree with you :p


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