On Connecting with Your Spouse

^^ We don't get out much and when we do, I always have to document it with a little couple selfie

I was blown away at how many people so quickly read my post death to the weekly date night myth. Then again, I probably shouldn't have been. There is so much pressure on us these days to do ALL THE THINGS and do them right. And sometimes, lets be honest, most of the time, we just can't live up to that "pinterest standard". Anyway, that post was shared several times on facebook and I was able to view the comments on all the shares. The one that stood out to me, and gave me a good laugh, was from a guy who admitted he is currently childless. But, he informed everyone that his marriage will always come before his children…and I may or may not have gotten a huge kick out of all the mama's that told him to come talk after him and his wife had a couple kids.  

First, I would like to state that I never said that Ian does not come before our children…hypothetically. Because, let's be honest here for a moment. In the real now, my children really need us. I nurse a baby. I wipe bums. I make several meals and snacks a day. I change beds that were wet in. I do laundry. I do bath time. And guess what, all of this are things that HAVE TO GET DONE. And they are things that have to get done even if I wanted to just spend some alone time with Ian. So physically, yes my children come first in our house. Emotionally, my husband is my rock, not my children. 

Really, what I want to talk about is there are so many ways to connect with your spouse outside of date nights. I think so often in the hustle and bustle of life with small children, we feel so worn out and feel like we have so little to offer our spouse. But, for me, a cup of coffee and 20 minutes spent chatting with each other without distraction is like gold and totally fills me up. Also, eating dinner just the two of us from time to time really is nice. This can happen after the kids or in bed, or on a Friday night by letting the kids eat dinner in front of a movie while we eat in the dining room. 

When our kids are infants, I always find that the hardest time to connect. And really that is because infants (especially breastfed ones) need their mama's all the time. It was actually because of that, that I did 12 date of Christmas for Ian. Yes, many of the dates were at home, but doing intentional things, just the two of us, really was fun. And I will never forget us riding the go karts in the freezing cold, the only people out on the track, acting like a couple of loonies, having the time of our lives. 

All this to say that small moments mater. Small gestures matter. Making sure your spouse knows you think about them and love them matters. Even if you feel like you have nothing left to give, write your hubby a note during nap time and mail it to him at work. It will surely put a smile on his face. 

Also, once upon a time, I shared 50 date night ideas and many of them were at home date ideas that can totally be done after the kids go to bed. Plus, it's always good to have date ideas because when those date nights do come around, chances are my brain cells have all been used up during the day and I can't think of ideas for things to do right then!  

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