The Abundance Mentality

I wasn't really planning on writing about generosity again, given that it is now 2015 and all, but the other day I was reading about the abundance mentality and it really struck me because it is exactly what I wanted to learn, to become a part of me, when I set out on my journey of generosity for last year.

The abundance mentality.

Basically it is the view that there is enough out there for everyone. We don't need to hoard or hold on to things (or recognition) because there will be more to come our way. In the book Clutter Free, Kathi Lipp said, "When we actively practice an abundance mentality, we set our hands to share the very things we held on to so tightly in the past: money, things, time and recognition." This has really been what I have been exploring and trying to expand on over the past year in my life. I have worked at being very intentional in sharing my things, my money, my time. Trying to allow myself and my things to be a blessing in other people's lives. I don't want to hold on to things so tightly that it seems that I value objects (or even money) over people.

Then I felt poked in the eyes with this, "This is not a "name it and claim it" philosophy. This is the radical understanding that no matter how little we have, we are better when we share." WE ARE BETTER WHEN WE SHARE. What a novel concept, right?! It's amazing to me how easy and obvious things seem when in fact I have been ingrained to think totally the opposite...to think about myself before others.

I am excited to see that generosity is coming more natural to me one year on. I hope and pray this is an area of my life that I continue to grow in and becomes an integral part of who I am.

Now on to 2015 and that journey...

   

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Generous with my Possessions

When I chose the word generous for the year, I knew it would mean focusing on all different aspects of generosity. And, given that it is a quality that I want to possess, I was ready to take it on.  The thing I have really learned over and over this year about being generous with my possessions is making sure people matter more than my possessions. I know that sounds a bit like, duh Jessica. But really think about that for a minute. I am sure all of us have a possession, or twenty, that we really care about and would probably lose our cool if something happened to. A few months ago, I was tested with this and managed to come out feeling good that I didn't loose my cool. I realized when I value my possessions over people, that means that relationships end up getting damaged or ruined over stuff. STUFF. And aren't people more valuable than possessions any day?

Another thing I have learned is when I loan something out or give something to someone, it needs to be done with no strings attached. Because how would it be generous if the other person was afraid to use whatever it was for fear of damaging it. That would negate the purpose of the generosity. I'm not saying that when I loan something out that I don't want it back. But what it is saying is I don't expect it back. If they broke it while using it or left it on the trunk of their car while driving and it fell off, not a big deal...because, really, I shouldn't have loaned it out if I was that attached to it. As for giving things to people, I have learned over and over that I need to give out of love and meeting a need and what the people do with that is up to them, not me.

True generosity is putting more value in people over stuff.  This is something I know I will have to remind myself of over and over throughout my life. Heck, my own kids teach me this on a practically daily basis! When it comes down to it, I want to be a person who is known as being generous and one who puts people before possessions. I'm still (and will always be) a work in progress.

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Spontaneously Generous

^^ Because, well, a post just feels better with a picture! 

A few weeks ago, I ran into a family friend. We got to talking and she was telling me about life. She needed some money for something critical, but was having to save up for it. Now, when I say "some" money, I really do mean very little. We by no means are flowing in cash, but could have easily covered something like this had the need arisen. That really struck me. There are people in this world, people I think of as equals, that really because of various circumstances can't even cover minimal "bumps in the road". 

That night, I really felt convicted to give this family friend some money. The next day, I went and found her. We chatted, then at the end, I handed her some money. She cried and told me how generous it was. But really, I felt humbled and honored. I felt humbled because my life truly is better than many. And I felt honored to be in a position to help her out. 

Over the past few weeks, I have been thinking of the concept of being spontaneously generous. At the beginning of my journey of generosity, I planned out my acts of being generous. I got giddy planning them. But somewhere along the way, it has become more natural and just happens. I like that. I feel like spontaneously doing something, without much thought, is a character trait. I would really like to have the character trait of being generous. 

Anyway, so I have been stewing over the whole spontaneously generous thing. Then, yesterday a circumstance literally fell in my lap for me to be helpful and generous with a good friend. In my act, I really felt like I sacrificed little, but I know it blessed her a lot. And I am thankful that I could have done so. 

Most of the time, the "generous" things that we do don't have to be grand gestures to mean a lot to a person; to brighten their day. It's randomly paying for someone's coffee. It's taking a friend some ice cream. It's buying McDonalds for a homeless person. I'm trying not to over think it and just do it...you know, spontaneously. 



You can read more about my journey of generosity in these past posts - why generous?, generous with my time, generous with my words and generous with myself. 

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Generous with Myself

^^ one of my more "mad scientist" hair days

I'm not going to lie, being "generous" with myself is something I struggle with. I think as a mom, I have gotten so used to putting myself on the back burner. And it's hard, oh-so-hard, to prioritize myself. Because, basically prioritizing myself means something else won't get done. Maybe I won't have time to clean the bathroom, or make an amazing dinner, or run that errand that just needed to be done. But I am getting there, trying to not feel guilty for taking time for myself. 

It started about two months ago with me taking time out to exercise. I joined an exercise group that has been really good at keeping me going and pushing me to try harder. However, it is three times a week and really encroaches on time I need to go grocery shopping and other things. It also means I have to swallow my pride a bit and wear workout clothes doing the preschool run. Yep, I'm that mom. 

Another thing I have let go has been my appearance. What feels like a lifetime ago, I had a bit of a shopping addiction. I had clothes, shoes and accessories for every occasion. Not only did I take up the entire closet in mine and Ian's bedroom, but I also had an additional wardrobe, not to mention two dressers. Like I said, a "bit" of an addiction. Let's just say that after that addiction was broken, I went to the other extreme. I have become cheap, super cheap. And sometimes that leaves me with practically nothing to wear. Or wearing clothes with holes or stains because I like them...or whatever excuse I tell myself. Like I said, I went to the opposite extreme. Well, I am starting to get back out there and buy myself a thing or two every once in a while. And, I am trying super hard to not feel guilty about it. To remind myself that I am not being wasteful or only thinking of myself. After all, Ian doesn't want a wife that looks like a slob! And now that I have short hair, I am going to have to carve out time to actually get my hair cut on a regular basis. 

I just struggle with putting my needs above anyone else's in my family. I have a feeling being generous with myself will be something I fight with for years to come. 

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Generous With My Words

Living life with the intention of being generous has been really fun for me. I get to plan out the various ways I will be generous. Sometimes those ways just fall into my lap and other times I carefully plan them out. 

One thing I knew starting out the year is that it doesn't take money to be a generous person. One of the "free" ways to be generous is with my words. Everyone likes complements. Oftentimes all it takes is a few seconds to point out a good quality in someone. You saw a friend go above and beyond for another friend? Tell them so. You see someone working out and are seeing the results? Tell them! Everyone who is trying to make a change in their life would like the encouragement of someone seeing the difference. 

Sometimes being generous with my words is a thought out thing. It's writing a card to someone telling them how much they mean to me. It's noticing great qualities in other's lives and being sure to point it out to them. Other times it is a spur of the moment thing. It is pointing out how well dressed a friend is. It is being sure to tell someone that their thoughtfulness didn't go unnoticed. It is complementing someone on a job well done. 

Sometimes the execution of my generous words doesn't always go as planned. For instance, I ran into a friend's mom in the grocery store and told her she had a "banging body that anyone my age would be jealous of". Now, this is true and she is working out all the time since retiring, but still, it just wasn't the best execution. However, that being said, I would rather complement someone and have it go horribly wrong than to keep the complement to myself. 

Being generous with my words is free. However, it is something that takes a conscious effort to do. I hope one day these positive words will just flow out of my mouth without thinking about it. But for today I am learning to make the conscious effort to make them come out. And that is a step in the right direction.

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Why Generous?

Not long after I declared my word for the year, a lady came up and told me how it was the perfect word for me. She told me how I am always talking about how generous my father in law is (see Clive, I talk good about you behind your back!) so I guess it is something fitting for me to strive for in 2014. 

A couple weeks into the new year, I got a package at my door. I have no clue who it was from. It came with no return address or note. And it contained the most adorable little gnome that is currently chilling on my mantle. That little gnome made my day. It also got me thinking...sometimes I do nothing because I feel like I can't do something big enough. Even small acts of generosity are still generous and can put a smile on someone's face. Things like unexpectedly paying for a friend's lunch, giving a small gift to someone or blessing someone in need. Heck, being generous doesn't even have to cost money. It can be loaning someone something or passing on hand-me-downs to a friend. Really, I would like to live my life in a way where those around me KNOW they are more valuable to me than my stuff or my money. 

Over the course of this year, I am going to focus on and reflect on different types of generosity in my life. I have already talked about being generous with my time. Since then, I have kept up with spending less time with my phone close by. And let me tell you something, the longer I am away from it, not only the less I miss it, but also the less I desire it or even remember what I liked looking at on it. 

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Generous With My Time

When I selected my word for 2014, I knew it would infiltrate many aspects of my life. One of the things I am working on is being more generous with my time. Simply put, this means being present. 

We all have different distractions we struggle with and a big one for me is my phone. Early on in parenting, I was able to set boundaries with my computer and the tv and have easily stuck with them as they became normal to me (no tv or computer when the kids are awake). But my phone has been something easy to justify. After all, what would happen if I missed an important phone call or text message?! And since I have my phone close, let me go ahead and see what everyone is up to on instagram and if there are any deals I can't resist on craigslist and...

It certainly is a slippery slope. Smart phones have a very real upside in life. I can take pictures of my kids doing the funniest and cutest things with ease. I can manage my etsy shop. I can list and sell things around my house on craigslist and Facebook. BUT, smart phones have a big down side. They are a time sucker. Instead of just sitting there watching my kids play or even playing with them, I pick up my phone. Not okay. I actually considered getting a dinosaur phone to stop this, but decided against that because of all the pluses to my phone. What I instead decided to do is not carry my phone around the house with me. I leave it sitting in one place and check it every once in a while. Even if I hear a text message, I don't drop what I am doing, I wait a bit. 

I am not going to lie, this is harder than it should be. But at the same time, it is so freeing. Let's be honest, most texts and phone calls aren't emergencies. But building a solid relationship with my kids is. Spending a distraction free hour with Connor building legos is fun. Reading an endless number of books with Isla is great. And, you know what? The longer I go without checking my phone, the less I care. And that is freeing. 

This is only one aspect of being more generous with my time. But distraction free time with my kids is pretty amazing. And, putting down my phone has allowed me to pick up the newspaper more often again. Another plus side? My battery lasts longer! 

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2014, I'm Ready for You

I never have been one for a list of new year's resolutions. However, I like coming up with a couple general things I would like to see (or not see) in my life. Usually these are personality traits about myself I would like to see changed. Things that will stretch me and help me grow in the direction I want to grow.

Over the past few years, picking a word for the year has become popular. I like this idea, but have never really felt drawn to a word for the year. As I was thinking about ways in my life I would like to grow in 2014, I realized there was an overall theme and thus I came up with a word for 2014.

generous

I want to be a generous person. I want to be generous with my love. I want to be generous with my resources. I want to be generous with my home (inviting people over more often). I KNOW this word will stretch me. Durning 2013, I got better at being a generous person, but I want to take it to the extreme this year. I hope and pray that my heart and my life will stretch, grow and change as I start becoming a more generous person.


How about you? Do you have a word for the year or any new year's resolutions?

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