I love tourists. When I am not in a hurry, they are actually quite entertaining. When I am in a hurry, they just clog up the streets and annoy me. Either way, I want to share some of my top highlights about tourists.

1. Wearing your backpack on the front. First, this just screams "tourist" and makes me want to hit you over the head and steal your backpack! Second, do you see the locals walking around like this? NO! Then it is probably safe for you not to as well. And, if you are still concerned, travel with a messenger bag. You will look much cooler.

2. Wearing your "secret" money belt on the outside. There is a reason these bad boys are flesh colored! And, seeing them invokes the same feeling the backpack does, it makes me want to rob you...and I don't normally rob people! ha, ha. So, do me a favor, hide the money belt, or don't use one at all.

3. Asking every bus driver if this is your bus. When the first bus driver tells you exactly what bus number you are waiting for, please just wait patiently for that bus. There is no need to get on every bus that stops just to ask if it is your bus. Not only is it highly agitating for the bus driver, but with so many of you doing it, it slows down my bus on the way to work.

4. Going along with number 3, bus drivers DO NOT GIVE CHANGE! Never have I been in a city where bus drivers give change. So, please do not get on the bus and expect the driver to break your 50. Then, when you realize he can't, don't wonder the isles asking everyone if they can break it. This really is annoying.

5. Feel free to wear regular clothes when traveling. We all do and we live here. This really applies to you middle-aged travelers, but for some reason you think those pants that unzip into shorts are all the rage. I am here to tell you, they aren't cool. And, when does the weather change so much in one day that you quickly need to change from pants to shorts or vis versa?

6. Constantly making comments comparing the place you are at to "home". Remember, you are traveling to get cultured. Allow yourself to be cultured. Just shut your mouth, take it all in and wait until you are back in your hotel room to make your stupid comparisons.

7. Walking in a horizontal line. For some reason you seem to think that everyone in your group needs to walk next to each other. This clogs up the sidewalks for everyone else and really just annoys us. Plus, you are so oblivious to those around you that you will just stop without notice, continuing to take up the whole sidewalk. Not cool!

8. Hard Rock Cafe. I actually find it quite endearing that you flock in droves to this place, but Ian absolutely hates it. A word of advice though, in the past two months, both Ian and I have had staff meals there...the food sucks and is totally overpriced. Go into the gift shop and buy your souvenirs, then move on to a restaurant that is worth eating at!

I really say all this to help you. That way the next time you travel somewhere, you won't fall into the pitfall of the stupid traveler. Unfortunately, Americans very easily fall into this category, and I certainly take part with all my friends in making fun of you! I know it is mean, but it is just so easy to do!


  1. Hilarious, I love it, totally made my day... is it just me or is being preggers making you even more entertaining?

  2. I think it's my fuse getting shorter and shorter...just wait until I am really large/uncomfortable!

  3. Hahaha! This is GREAT!!!

  4. Your stupid tourist brotherJuly 13, 2009 at 10:58 PM

    oh thank you so much for the help, now I wont look like an idiot anymore. I think I will print this and send it to the others traveling with us to Cambodia so they can be warned as well!

  5. Tourism in Cambodia is a WHOLE different ballgame! Maybe the people who go with you should have to "try out" before going or something!


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