Isla Said What?! {five}

I wish I did a better job keeping track of the things that my kids say, because they crack me up on a daily basis with what comes out of their mouths...even if half of it is inappropriate and may never be repeated! 


Mom, it looks like we may have a problem. Mom, now we officially have a problem!


I'm newin pooin. You know what that means mom? Almost everything I'm wearing is new.


I'm going to close my eyes. I don't want to see you guys slobbery kiss.


My hair's been a bit floppy today (i.e. keeps going in her face).


The leaves are dancing (i.e. blowing in the wind).


The boss of my mom is my dad.
When I heard her telling someone this, I was seriously like "Uh, WHAT?!"


Upon discovering Isla didn't flush the toilet:
I did that for you mom. Aren't you going to say thank you?


Mom you're so funny because you have a crazy brain. 
I'll just take that as a compliment! 

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Isla Said What {four}

I get the real deal, all the time. But, here's a little entertainment from Isla to get you through your Friday.


When I was three, I thought I would get my driver's license when I was four. 


Mama, I love the blue sky. 


I love my stuffed animals. I love to cuddle them. I love to kiss them. I love to put bandaids on them when they hurt themselves. 


I wish every day was Friday, so I could have show and tell everyday. 


Mama, we're lucky because we have three kids. 


Isla: Mommy, am I invited to your 60th birthday?
Me: Yes.
Isla: Will you have goodie bags?


Callum, do you love when I cuddle with you?


There's also a lot of talk about best friends, poop and kitties around here. Like I said, entertainment all the time. Making it even better, she isn't even trying to be entertaining.

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Isla Said What {three}

Wow, apparently it has been a while since I have done one of these. Like more than six months ago. So much for remembering every single last adorable/funny/inappropriate thing my child said. But, here's some of the things that have come out of Isla's mouth lately.



I just making jokes.



Ian: Why are you not asleep?
Isla: Because my finger nails are not painted.



You're pushing my buttons.


Isla: Is it night time?
Me: No, it's morning.
Isla: I wanted to sleep.
Me: I know, you like to sleep.
Isla: I don't like waking up.



When I was in your tummy, I closed my eyes so I didn't see all your food. 



Me: Stop licking me.
Isla: But dogs do it.



Mommy, I love you all the time, but not sometimes. (Gee, thanks kid!)



I walk in Isla's room and see her putting stickers all over the wood floor. She hears me and lays over said stickers.
Me: Really, all over the floor?!
Isla: Sorry mom.
Me: It's alright. I'm used to you by now. 
Isla: I know mom. 



And there you have it, a little Isla entertainment to get you through your Thursday!

 

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From the Mouth of Connor {ten}

So many of my good conversations with Connor happen in the car. It's as if he thinks since he's strapped down and can't do anything, he may as well talk! Sometimes I wish I had a recording device, because as much as I try to remember all the funny things Connor says, sometimes they are gone by the time we get to where we are going. He certainly keeps me entertained. That's for sure.



C: Mom, did you put me in your mouth when I was a baby?
Me: No, why?
C: Well, how did I get in your tummy then?



If I didn't bring a toy (to show and tell) I would tell them all about my shoes. And I would tell them all about when I was born in Scotland. 



Poor grumpy sissy. 



(at the dinner table) Dad, how was your day at work? Did you make any new friends?



C: What's a donkey?
Me: A type of animal. What's a Connor?
C: A little boy who hurts his sissy if she comes in his room.



Why would Jesus make it rain on a school day?



Close the door, I want to be private. 



C: I saw a statue!
Me: Really bud? That's cool.
C: Actually it was a man standing really still. I just kidding. That's funny. 



C: Isla, if you want me to get off of you (he is sitting on her), you have to sing a song that you love me.
I: (singing) I love you, I love you, I love you...



Is spring when it's so nice? It's like the greatest day of everyone's life. 

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Isla Said What {two}

I smell like a pirate princess. 


I being carefully. 


I don't like the really hot. 


Somebody ate God. God is in a whale in the ocean.   {I'm glad to see she gets the whole Jonah in a whale story!}


I want to be in your tummy. 


Going along with the last one, she has said a few times recently, "I want to be a baby!"


It ok mom, I hitting nice. 


Me: Grammy is daddy's mama. 
I: No, she's the babysitter. 
Me: laughing, She does watch you sometimes, but she is your Gramdma, your daddy's mama. 
I: Oh. 


I want that pesky sun to move a little bit. 

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From the Mouth of Connor {nine}

This kid likes to talk, talk, and talk some more. Often times it is questions. But he will also tell stories and they are always the cutest. Sure, I am his mom, so I am biased, but I think stories from little kids are just the best. Like when he starts out a story with, "Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Connor. He was five years old and born in Scotland." Hmmm, I wonder who he is talking about?! Enjoy some tidbits from Connor lately.


Give me some space


Connor: Can I play Mario? (on the wii)
Ian: Why?
Connor: So I can get some dad time. 


I love picking my nose cause I don't like boogies in it. 


Connor: I'm going to change my name when I am big cause Connor is just a boy name. 
Me: What will your new name be?
Connor: Maybe I will be Papa Clive.


You need to not make muffins mom, because when you do, I want to eat all of them. 


I like candy better than good food. 


I don't like wearing clothes and shoes everyday because they look weird. 


Where there's legos, there's Connor! 


This kid simultaneously has me laughing my head off and pulling my hair out and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Isla Said What?!? {one}

Isla is talking so well now and is at the point that she is constantly saying funny things. Sure, she doesn't mean them to be funny. But the things kids say when they are just observing life are pretty dang funny. So here you go, the first installment of Isla said what?!?


I don't have a big nose, I have a tiny nose. 


Throwing her head and ponytail from side to side, "That make me so happy."


That is what I am talking about. 


The sun was in her eyes, "Stop, sun, stop!!!.....The sun is burning my eyes."


You have big boobies. I have little boobies. 


We don't want to sleep mama, we just want to little relax. 


Isla: "Where are my tap shoes mama?"
Me: You don't have any
Isla: "Awwww"


Oh no! Our car is all wet. We need to clean it. We need to clean it Mama. 

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From the Mouth of Connor {eight}

This kid! I tell you, he always has something to say. Then, there are the things he asks questions about. Sometimes they are so in-depth, or just things I don't ever think about, and they leave me stumped. Some of the things he says, I wonder where he picked it up. Other times, I guiltily know right where he learned it. That Connor, he is a cute kid with A LOT to say. Here are some of his recent funnies.


Are you kidding me?!


Cause that's how the cookie crumbles. 


That will take forever...that will take until I die. 


Stop playing with me sissy! I want to be lonely. 


Don't make Connor sad. 


Looking at Isla's poop, "Wow! She must have ate a ginormous food to make that big of a poop."


I have 10,000 energy. I'm never going to calm down until I get to Jesus. 


I not kidding. 


Why does McDonald's make food that is bad for you?

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From the Mouth of Connor {seven}

^^ It's not your imagination...Connor wears the same shirt almost every single day.

When will I be twenty ten? (also known as thirty)

To my sister in law: "How come you don't have a man? Where's your man?"

Asking for his cape to be tied in front, I said, "Like an apron?" and he responded, "Like a princess."

How come Uncle Jeremy doesn't have a girl? (notice a theme!)

I am pushing your buttons.

You have to sleep with me mama, it's really important. 

I'm like twenty one old.

If you see a cop, stop and wait for it, so he can give you a ticket. 

Talking to Ian about something, I said, "That was before we were married." and Connor chimed in, "But you've always been married."

When I was three, I did not like showers. Now that I am four, I like showers, not baths. (Of course, this whole love of showers thing is a new thing and didn't start right when he turned four, but you know.)

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I Cleaned My Room

Remember back when I declared that I never make my bed?

Yeah, everyone remembers that. It became my most popular post EVER in a matter of a couple hours.

Apparently people like a snarky, sarcastic Jessica...as my friends would call a "normal" Jessica 

^^ A piggy bank and a picture of my hubby on his 18th birthday...we have a super cool room

Well, it turns out I do make my bed from time to time. In fact, I cleaned my whole room. You see, when I walked into our house after camping, it literally looked like a bomb went off in our house and we hadn't even unloaded the motorhome yet. I remember us scrambling to pack, but I didn't remember the house being that bad. I actually went back outside, grabbed Ian's hands and said, "It looks like we were robbed, but we weren't. We are just slobs."

^^ Don't act like you don't have a picture of you biting your husband's ear in your room! That is also known as our engagement pictures. And that
reaction is totally real, as I randomly just decided to do that.

A super trashed house stresses me out. When there is just stuff everywhere, I don't know where to start. Guess where I started? The place I never start out at, let alone get to...my room. I started by throwing all the kids crap out of our room. Why do they need to drag every single last one of their possessions into our room anyway?! Then I put away my clean laundry...which behind making my bed, comes in a close second for something I never ever do. Then I actually decluttered our dressers. I meant business. Finally, I made my bed. Yep, I did it last and that is something that goes against every cleaning expert on pinterest. Those cleaning experts don't live in my house anyway, so I guess I say what goes around here. I also stuffed our decorative pillows for our bed behind a chair, because, lets be honest, they never make it to the bed anyway!

I'm not going to lie, it feels good to have a clean room. Not for the reasons you are thinking though. My head doesn't feel more clear. My life doesn't feel more in order. Nope. I just keep thinking to myself, "Take that people, I do make my bed!" I'll enjoy it while it lasts because I probably won't make my bed again for at least another year.

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From the Mouth of Connor {six}

You will notice a trend, lots of talk about sissy, legos and Jesus. I guess those are the three things that consume his thoughts!


When sissy talks like me, then she can build legos with me cause then she won't take them apart. 


Jesus turned water into wine, then all the fish died. 


I don't think sissy likes ham like I like ham. It's good for little boys, maybe not girls. Maybe you can made a ham pie with ham inside, like apple pie. 


While swinging Connor high, "My tummy's a little frightened."


When sissy gets big, she will be a mommy and I will be a daddy. Then we won't be kids anymore, we will be dalts (or adults...you know). 


Maybe Jesus has a special lego store. 


I'm getting old because we all get old. 


When I asked Connor if they played on the playground at school, he said, "Sometimes we do and sometimes we don't when it's raining. That is just how life is."


He has now said "that is just how life is" about several things and every time it catches me off guard and makes me want to laugh. Such an adult thing coming from such a little person!

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From the Mouth of Connor {five}

This kid sure keeps me on my toes with the things he says. Some of them, though funny, are even too inappropriate for the blog. By inappropriate, I mean would embarrass me, so you know. Kids speak truth, right?! Here are some of the things Connor has said lately:


Look at me. I am batman. I believe I can fly. 

I like car accidents on the freeway. (Uhh, what?!)

While Connor was going in for a kiss on my lips (we kiss cheeks around here):
Me: Where did you learn that from?
Connor: From daddy, but he only likes it with you. 

I need to watch tv. It will make me feel better. 

Jumping on the bed, Connor said "I'm trying to exercise."

This is my minion. He's a fake minion. You can make a voice for him cause he doesn't have a voice. 

While driving down the road:
Me: Connor want me to go fast?
Connor: Not very fast cause I don't want you to get a ticket. 

Mamas and daddies don't have schools, they only have churches. 

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10 Reasons Why I Don't Make My Bed

I am just going to give you warning, this is a pretty snarky post. But you know what, it truly is the way I feel. And, well, I am a sarcastic person. So there you have it. You have been warned.  

A couple weeks ago, I kept seeing the same article everywhere I looked - Why I Make My Bed {10 Reasons I Keep My House Clean}. Though I get where she is coming from, it rubbed me the wrong way a little. Specifically the fact that it's her "job". That always gets me about being a stay at home mom. Anyway, it inspired me. It inspired me to give you 10 {snarky} reasons why I don't make my bed. And hopefully, just hopefully, I can put a smile on the face of another mom of young children struggling just to keep her kids alive and get dinner on the table. 

10. I am my own boss these days and I say it's ok not to. From a young kid, I have always thought made beds were a little overrated. Sure I do it if we have company (even then, only if you are lucky), but otherwise, it generally doesn't happen.  

9. Because how does a made bed really benefit me? Honestly, I spend almost no time in my room. It really is a place that we sleep and where we keep our clothes. I don't even get dressed in there...I take my clothes to the bathroom. So it isn't like I am staring at an unmade bed all day that is driving me crazy. 

8. My kids would just mess it up anyway. My kids love playing in our room. And they seem to really love taking the comforter off the bed. Even when I make it, they just trash it. And I am not about to make it numerous times a day. Ain't nobody got time for that! 

7. Isn't that what a bedroom door is for?! You know, to hide the unmade bed from guests! Come on, closet non-bed makers, you know it's true! Besides, it is so hard to keep an entire house clean with little kids running around trashing everything right behind you. And honestly, our room is always the last room I get to. 

6. I secretly hope I will be able to nap. And what would deter me from napping? A made bed. Aww, I remember the good days when I used to nap every day. I can't even remember the last time I napped when no one else was taking care of the kids. Heck, I can't remember the last time both kids napped at the same time. 

5. It's not my job! Is it yours hubby? If I get up before Ian, he doesn't make the bed. And I don't expect him to. Given that he has never once, in 10.5 years of marriage, complained about our unmade bed, I am thinking he really doesn't care either. But, if someone were to pay me to do it, I just may start making it! 

4. I ditched my top sheet years ago. Throwing the comforter over me at night isn't a big deal. I really ditched it because I am a crazy sleeper and always got tangled up in it. But, it is so freaking easy to straighten one comforter before jumping into bed at night. 

3. It's all about priorities. And my bed is definitely not at the top of my list. Just talking about household duties, homemade meals, doing dishes and laundry and cleaning the main areas of my house rank above my bed. Heck, pretty much every house related thing ranks above it. I hate cleaning the toilet, but it is super necessary, so it even ranks above it.  

2. I am a stay at home mom, not a stay at home maid. I really believe this. I feel as if so many people view staying at home with children to mean you do every single thing in the house and your hubby does nothing. Well, let me tell you, my kids far outrank house work. I really take my "job" as a mom serious. That means, I tend to spend a lot more time playing with my kids than cleaning. Just today I spent an hour and a half playing with the kids in the backyard. Take that, unmade bed! 

1. No time. Let me walk you through a typical morning. My alarm goes off and I try to scrunch pillows around Connor (he comes in our bed almost every night) so he won't realize I've gotten up and will sleep a little more. I jump in the shower, then get ready. I run out of the bathroom and get the coffee going. Then I get Connor's breakfast ready. I wake him (if he isn't already up) and bring him to the table to eat. While he is eating, I grab his clothes to dress him, then throw my coffee in a tumbler. Then I dress Connor and let him play. I go wake Isla and dress her. Then, with some sort of breakfast for Isla in my hand, I strap the kids in the car to head to preschool. I drop Connor off and run any errands I have with only one kid (so much easier than two!). I pick Connor up from school and head home. I make lunch. After lunch is nap time for Isla and quiet time for Connor. I do the dishes and start some laundry. Then I jump on this blog of mine. Just about then, I hear Connor's timer going off...quiet time is over. I spend an hour building legos with him. I hear Isla is up. I grab her and look at the clock...about time to start dinner. With dinner going, I change the laundry and tidy up the main part of the house in anticipation of Ian coming home. Ian comes home and we have dinner. Then it's bath time. After that, we play with the kids before putting them to bed. By 9pm, both kids are asleep and I have some time to relax (or clean more). So I ask, when should I (or could I) make my bed?!

Though I wanted to say it in a fun way, all I want to say is give yourself a break. If you are staying at home with young children (i.e. non-school age) or even homeschooling, your kids are your priority, not the perfectly made bed. And if you are a daily bed maker, no judgement to you. In fact, you rock! If you have a problem with my not-so-perfect house, feel free to clean it for me while I play with my kids ;)

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From the Mouth of Connor {four}

Because who doesn't want some funny pumped into their Monday afternoon?! And a Monday afternoon that comes after a four day weekend, none-the-less.

Some of the things that have come out of the mouth of Connor lately:


Mama, you have much long hair. 


When I'm a big boy I'll get daddy's clothes because I will be too big for my little boy clothes. 


It started smelling while driving and Connor said "Did you fart mama?" Seriously little boy?! Every bad smell you come across is not from your mother!!!


Why is daddy at work? The sun is not up. He should be in bed with us. 


(Touching his birthday on the calendar) I'm touching my birthday. 


We should put a sign up at Papa and Memaw's house that says no Riley dogs. Then Riley can come live with us and sleep with me and kiss me. 


Why do my feet hurt? Maybe because last night I was getting bigger, bigger, bigger!


The thing about sissy is she talks different than me.


(Connor said this to me) I love you all the time, but sometimes I don't like you. Aren't you too young to say things like this kid?!



Happy Monday everyone!!! Monday's aren't bad for me anymore, but when I worked, they totally sucked. So I hope these Connorisms made your Monday a little more bearable.

Buy Now, Thank Me Later

One of the first things I did when I moved back to the states was get me some toms...because, well, all the cool kids had them. And it didn't take long for those amazingly comfortable shoes to stink oh-so-bad. And other than my super rad (and super honest) friend Karen, no one else would admit that their toms made their feet smell. I eventually wore out those toms and moved on.

After living without toms for a while, I decided I wanted another pair in my life. When at the store buying them, the lady mentioned that toms are supposed to be worn with socks. Uh, what?! I then admitted to her that my last pair smelled not so good and she convinced me to get some socks to wear with them. Let me just say, these socks have changed my life! I can now wear toms AND not have stinky feet (and shoes).

So for all of you stinky feeted tom-lovers out there, you are welcome. Go get you some little tiny socks for your toms and you will thank me...and so will anyone else that has to smell your feet after you wear your toms. And for all of you that don't have stinky feet from toms, whatever. I still don't believe you.

Awkward/Awesome {fourteen}

Awkward: My 3.5 year old throwing a fit and screaming his way through the store. 

Awesome: The lady in line behind me saying "I totally understand. Is he 3?"

Awesome: My new way out of talking to solicitors is by telling them I am the nanny.

Awkward: Connor coming to me just as I am closing the door yelling, "mama, mama!"

Awesome: When you get popcorn at Target and ask for it to be split in two bags, they pretty much fill up two bags for the price of one. 

Awkward: My kids can't consume that much popcorn. 

Awkward x2: When one of those said kids decides to swing the bag of popcorn while we are driving and cover the inside of my car in popcorn. 

Awesome: I have a carwash membership...hello free vacuums! 

Awkward: The car in front of us breaking down in the In-N-Out drive thru. 

Awesome: Hubby getting out of the car and helping push it thru. And don't you worry, the driver of the broken down car still got his food! 

Awesome: Randomly running into your own husband while at lunch with a friend. 

Awkward: Because I thought he was going to a different restaurant, I bolted out of my seat and across the parking lot to say hi. 

 ** I know the sensible thing would have been to pick up my phone and call him, but I am so not sensible! 

Awesome: Connor sleeping in until 9:30am! That kid never sleeps in. 

Awkward: Isla deciding to wake at 7:30am.

Anything awkward or awesome happen with you lately?

Awkward/Awesome {thirteen}

I had such an amazingly awkward thing happen the other day, that it spurred me to do another round of awkward/awesome. So maybe you should be thanking the dude in my first happening for this entertainment today.  

Awkward: A dude flirting with me when he totally saw me just standing with my hubby and kid. 

Awkward x2 (or really a zillion): He ended our conversation saying, "Next time you wear your owl and I'll wear my lizard."

  ** I should note that most of the conversation was regarding my owl necklace which I now kind of never want to wear again. 

Awesome: Boys pee standing up and can pee anywhere. 

Awkward: Even standing BEHIND my peeing boy, he still managed to get pee spray all over my feet. 

Awkward: That moment when you see your UPS driver while you are out driving and wave at him, only then realizing he has no clue who you are. 

Awesome: A nice old man talking to my kids. 

Awkward: Connor refused to talk to the guy and Isla buried her head and wouldn't even look at the poor man...and he kept trying, with the same results. 

Awesome: Free (relatively speaking) breakfast at the hotel we were staying at. 

Awkward: Me taking the kids by myself to said breakfast. Holding a tray of food while pushing a stroller and trying to keep a toddler from running away is not fun on any level. And not one single soul in the crowded restaurant offered to help. One lady even told me I was moving too slow.  

Awesome: The king size bed at the hotel. I so want one now. 

Awesome: Tomorrow is mine and Ian's 10 year anniversary. I know, right?! We are like a legit old married couple. 

Awkward: I plan on us eating the original top to our wedding cake from 10 years ago. I realize this was supposed to happen at 1 year, but things happen. I bet it is going to taste amazing. 

Awesome: Good tasting 10 year old cake or not, we are headed out for a night of celebrating tomorrow night and I am super excited. 

How about you, anything awkward or awesome happen lately?

Why I Know I'm Getting Old

As you all know I pointed out yesterday, it was my birthday. The funny thing about getting older is in the last few years I constantly forget how old I am. If you ask me, I will usually tell you the wrong age. Not because I mean to, but because I guess it isn't so important anymore. So, imagine my shock when I recently saw how old one of my friends was and thought to myself, "That's weird, we should be the same age." Duh Jessica, you are old! Maybe that's why I can no longer remember how old I am...

Me, in all my birthday glory, enjoying the sunshine.

In honor of me turning another year older, I thought I would share a few reasons I know I am old...or not so much old, but an adult. Definitely not a child.

Reason 1 - I find myself having to tell my friend's daughter over and over that her mom and I are really cool people.

Reason 2 - I don't think anyone should utter the words "cray, cray" and I cringe whenever I hear it.

Reason 3 - My driving habits certainly have changed. And I no longer think it is cool to brake check people.

Reason 4 - The waist on my jeans just keep getting higher and higher. This mom no longer likes the look of butt crack hanging out...not that I liked the look before, but I certainly owned enough pair of pants that allowed for it.

Reason 5 - I also no longer see my bra straps as an accessory...sorry orange bra.

Reason 6 - I cringe at the thought of some of the things I did as an adult in my early (and even mid) 20's.

Reason 7 - I no longer leave the house in my pajamas.

Reason 8 - Hanging out with my friends usually involves me being home before midnight...though I must say, I am a night owl and this one has more to do with my friends than me.

Reason 9 - I meal plan and shop for groceries weekly.

Reason 10 - I know more real news than celebrity news.


I know, I know. I'm getting up there. It's crazy, but I can't do anything about it. So I'll just embrace it...and at least be happy that people generally think I am much younger than I really am.

 

Its the Little Things

I have found my true calling in life. My world was rocked this weekend. I ask that you please hold your judgement until you know. Because when you know, you will understand. But, back to my true calling. I want to be a sweater shaver salesperson. No need to refresh your browser, you read that one correctly. This magical little device rocked my world and I want to see it change others as well. 

How did I go so long in life without such a cheap and useful little tool?! Seriously, it is less than $10 and works amazingly well. Lets not even talk about the fact that I have gotten rid of sweaters before when they had too many fur balls on them. Yes, I called them fur balls. 

I am such an instant gratification person, so I loved the sound it made when it chopped off the fur balls. And even better was throwing away the lint. It was amazing! You think that is a lot of lint for one sweater? On my next one, I had to empty the tray two times! Loved it!

I tried to do a little before and after shot for you. Just focus on the disappearing fur balls. Amazing. If you don't already own this amazing product, get one NOW. It will change your life. 

Stop laughing. Seriously. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

Minivans & Modesto

I bet you didn't know that Modesto and minivans have two things in common:

1. You have to swallow your pride to be associated with either. Everyone knows this about minivans. Sure, there are some out there that love the swagger wagon, but those people are in the minority. Everyone else has to take a ginormous humble pill before purchasing their first minivan. The same can be said for living in Modesto. All anyone raised in Modesto wants to do in life is leave. Once they come back, cough, cough...WHAT? There was something stuck in my throat! Where was I? Oh yeah, once they realize they are moving back, they have to take that humble pill. 

2. You have to talk yourself into both of them. Did you ever notice when minivan owners talk about them, they try to point out all the features? You know, all the cargo room, the sliding doors and MPG. They don't get that good of gas mileage people!!! I kid you not. I was actually shocked that they only get slightly better gas mileage than a full size SUV. Anyway, the same is true of Modesto.  I here over and over people saying Modesto is a great place to live because its so central. You can take day trips to San Francisco or to the mountains to go skiing. Makes me laugh every time I hear this. Why don't people brag about living in the car theft capital of America?! Oh yeah, because we were dethroned and now are only number two. Shame. 

I would like to point out, the two people in my family who moved to Modesto kicking and screaming (when we were high schoolers, none-the-less) are the two people left in Modesto today...my older brother and myself. A little bit ironic and a lot funny if I may say so myself. 

Oh, and don't plan on seeing me in a minivan anytime soon! It's my lifelong mission to avoid owning one. A 1970's VW bus though, I think I could handle.